So Joy and I were invited to a holiday party in Milan yesterday, being thrown by Richard Houghten, a very distinguished man I met while working at the post office. I must say, he reminds me very much of Uncle John. Quiet, calm, and way too smart.
Although we couldn't stay long (I had to work), we enjoyed ourselves immensely. Joy had a drink (can't remember what, but the vodka was unmistakable), while I, ever the DD, drank about 4 diet cokes in the hour or so we were there.
We met many new people, found some old friends (Steve-O), and had an entire spread of vegetarian / vegan food, most of which was prepared by Whole Foods. It was quite obvious that a lot of effort was put into our food preferences, which was heartwarming and made me feel selfish all at the same time.
Although I knew Richard collected and built organs and pianos, I never knew to what extent. His entire "garage" (remodeled with carpets, heating, and basically now resembles a large guestroom) has a small collection of large instruments: A HUGE organ with pipes larger than the Titanic, a long (about 8 ft long) harpsichord, and a remodeled player piano, which has a nice assortment of about 200 or so rolls he got for it.
The envy began.
Joy had another drink.
We spent our hour or so chatting with Vlad (a coworker from Czech Republic) who I had seen myself at the post office on many occassions, but never really spoke to.
The man is hilarious.
The phrase "Hey! Where's my plum brandy?!" Will forever be an inside joke between me and Joy.
We were received well by everyone, and we both look forward to more of Richard's parties.
I only wish I could've fully appreciated the "Heineken Shrine". A modern work of art, I can tell you.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Williams, Williams, Williams.
Christmas presents: $120.
Benefits for new job: $250.
Postal Service trying to rape me for unpaid (imaginary) leave: $480.
Tuition for Winter classes: $1,500.
Financial aid being denied: $3,000.
Not knowing how the fuck any of it is getting paid: Priceless.
Benefits for new job: $250.
Postal Service trying to rape me for unpaid (imaginary) leave: $480.
Tuition for Winter classes: $1,500.
Financial aid being denied: $3,000.
Not knowing how the fuck any of it is getting paid: Priceless.
Doctors suck.
Indeed.
Imagine, if you will, a drunken walrus (with arthritis) is given a nearly empty bic an asked to write the Gettysburg address backwards. In portuguese.
I could read that.
But I can't read "doctor".
Imagine, if you will, a drunken walrus (with arthritis) is given a nearly empty bic an asked to write the Gettysburg address backwards. In portuguese.
I could read that.
But I can't read "doctor".
In Which I am Given the Black Spot.
From some crazy, oddballish reason, blogger/blogspot/cracksmoker.com has decided for the last 4 months to make it impossible for me to log on to my account. After 3 tries on the login page, it tells me my username and or email address do not exist in their system. However, when I click their "forgot your password?" link, it sends me an email telling me how to reset my password (which was correct). I follow the links to their internal page, and I arrive at my blog.
Now call me a wet blanket, but that seems a bit like a Michigan left.
"Sure, I'll go to the store, just let me swing by Egypt first."
Pointless, stupid, idiotic, and a waste of time.
Kinda like writing this blog to people who probably don't give a hoot.
Now I have to say something with merit. Hmm.
There's a few people on my unit (no jokes) who use horrendous grammar. I won't name any names, but I will say this:
"Supposably" is NOT a word.
Now call me a wet blanket, but that seems a bit like a Michigan left.
"Sure, I'll go to the store, just let me swing by Egypt first."
Pointless, stupid, idiotic, and a waste of time.
Kinda like writing this blog to people who probably don't give a hoot.
Now I have to say something with merit. Hmm.
There's a few people on my unit (no jokes) who use horrendous grammar. I won't name any names, but I will say this:
"Supposably" is NOT a word.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
D-DAY
So...
Today's my last day in the pus-filled, hellhole Post Office.
At least, everyone KNOWS it is, even though when I turned in my resignation form the postmaster said he "wasn't going to entertain my ideas"....the he threatened me with a bad reference anytime someone calls him about me.
I would rather piss glass than listen to him ever again. He lies, falsifies paperwork, cheats his employees, ignores union contract, lies to inspectors, perpetuates an unsafe work environment (anything to save a few dollars), and doesn't care about anyone or anything except his golf games and bear-hunting season.
The post office has been dragging me down for months now, and it's gotten to the point where I hate going into work because I know someone is gonna gossip or say some stupid shit, or pick a fight, or just not let me do my damn job.
Fuck 'em.
I'm walking out today whether they want to acknowledge it or not. I'm sick of hating everyday at work, not because of the job, but the PEOPLE I work for. They are the lowest, most uncooperative, self-loathing, disrespectful, rude, selfish, and lazy piles of pig shit I've ever seen.
Today's my last day in the pus-filled, hellhole Post Office.
At least, everyone KNOWS it is, even though when I turned in my resignation form the postmaster said he "wasn't going to entertain my ideas"....the he threatened me with a bad reference anytime someone calls him about me.
I would rather piss glass than listen to him ever again. He lies, falsifies paperwork, cheats his employees, ignores union contract, lies to inspectors, perpetuates an unsafe work environment (anything to save a few dollars), and doesn't care about anyone or anything except his golf games and bear-hunting season.
The post office has been dragging me down for months now, and it's gotten to the point where I hate going into work because I know someone is gonna gossip or say some stupid shit, or pick a fight, or just not let me do my damn job.
Fuck 'em.
I'm walking out today whether they want to acknowledge it or not. I'm sick of hating everyday at work, not because of the job, but the PEOPLE I work for. They are the lowest, most uncooperative, self-loathing, disrespectful, rude, selfish, and lazy piles of pig shit I've ever seen.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
The Final Step
So yeah...haven't written in awhile, have I?
Thought I died, dincha?
Well no....not quite, just never get around to actually typing something out I guess. I mean, shit happens all the time, I just feel like no one really cares to listen. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being self-loathing or anything, it's just that everyone has problems, stuff happens to everybody.
If you spend your life listening to what happens to other people, it's like living someone else's life instead of your own. Like "Reality" TV. I dunno. Forget this. I actually wrote for a reason.
Ahem...
I wanted to say that I have finally made the decision to take the final step in my new healthy (and more importantly, morally sound) lifestyle. I have battled for awhile now with the idea of going Vegan. Yes, that horrible word. The word that makes half (nah, all) my family cringe and shudder, point fingers and say "HERETIC!"
Well, this may be a small embellishment.
Anyway, the only 2 things keeping me from doing it were CHEESE and EGGS. Let's face it, I love an omelet. Love 'em. Nothing better. An omelet with cheese? Even better. But those are the only 2 things I've had issues with. However, cheese has been giving me stomach (among other) problems as of the last few months or so, and I eat eggs once every...I dunno, month maybe. I don't even buy eggs, which tell you how often I actually eat them.
Life is about sacrifices. Sometimes you have to ask yourself what is more important?
A five-minute tasty treat? Or a lifetime of guilt and hypocrisy?
...
You're not actually supposed to think about it.
As a final push toward morality, Joy and I found a new issue of VEG NEWS at Whole Foods today. Natalie Portman on the cover was enough for me to say "Sure, go ahead". Albeit it's 5 bucks an issue.
Inside was a very interesting article informing us about the NUMEROUS ingredients in everyday prepared and packaged foods. Not only did it translate what the label says to what it ACTUALLY is, but also says HOW they make it.
This direct paragraph, for instance:
"If you've been vegetarian long enough, you might already be aware that an enzyme from a newborn calf's stomach appears in most cheeses (even "vegetarian" ones) and other products. It's called rennet or rennin, and it's obtained by removing the calf's fourth stomach after slaughter, dry-salting and washing it, scraping away the surface fat, stretching it over drying racks, grinding it up, and mixing it with a salt solution."
THAT is in your cheese.
Chris asked me if I would eat eggs from organic, free-range chickens.
Libby asked why I would be pro-choice, but not care about killing baby chickens in eggs.
Well, the egg thing didn't really matter, because eggs you eat are unfertilized.
The entire point with eggs is that the chickens are all bred on farms, stuffed in pens (free-range usually means that they are not caged "all the time"), and after they stop producing the eggs you want, you chop them up.
What is my moral issue that I've been dealing with on eggs?
Let the damn chicken just BE a chicken!
Stop forcing it to produce all the stuff YOU want, and let it just live!
But it's NOT only the cheese and eggs that are the problem.
L-Cysteine Hydrochloride, a flour additive in cereals and baked goods, is extracted from duck feathers.
"Natural Flavors", which is an item list on many, many, MANY foods (I can't say "all", but it's close), is a choice combination of many ingredients. The whole point is there are certain things that fall under that category, so if they are used in the food all they have to put is "Natural Flavors". You don't know how many or what is in there.
Here's a few "Natural Flavors" that may be in your food:
Castoreum, which is used to add a "creamy and raspberry" flavoring, is actually an extract from the anal musk glands of beavers.
Isinglass, which is gelatin from the bladder of a sturgeon.
Lipase, which is an enzyme from calf tongues.
Musk, from the genitals of the Northern Asian Hornless deer.
Ground beetles, to add a hint of purple to toaster pastries.
These are just a few.
The bottom line here is that nowadays, packaged and prepared foods use so many unhealthy, immoral, and unnatural ingredients, that you need to be a "Linguist or a scholar" (as one man in the article put it) to discern just WHAT it is you are putting into your body.
It will be tough, and it will be a pain in the ass for many people around me...especially this close to Thanksgiving.
But I'm not sorry for the decision.
From here on out, I am proud to say that I am a VEGAN.
Thought I died, dincha?
Well no....not quite, just never get around to actually typing something out I guess. I mean, shit happens all the time, I just feel like no one really cares to listen. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being self-loathing or anything, it's just that everyone has problems, stuff happens to everybody.
If you spend your life listening to what happens to other people, it's like living someone else's life instead of your own. Like "Reality" TV. I dunno. Forget this. I actually wrote for a reason.
Ahem...
I wanted to say that I have finally made the decision to take the final step in my new healthy (and more importantly, morally sound) lifestyle. I have battled for awhile now with the idea of going Vegan. Yes, that horrible word. The word that makes half (nah, all) my family cringe and shudder, point fingers and say "HERETIC!"
Well, this may be a small embellishment.
Anyway, the only 2 things keeping me from doing it were CHEESE and EGGS. Let's face it, I love an omelet. Love 'em. Nothing better. An omelet with cheese? Even better. But those are the only 2 things I've had issues with. However, cheese has been giving me stomach (among other) problems as of the last few months or so, and I eat eggs once every...I dunno, month maybe. I don't even buy eggs, which tell you how often I actually eat them.
Life is about sacrifices. Sometimes you have to ask yourself what is more important?
A five-minute tasty treat? Or a lifetime of guilt and hypocrisy?
...
You're not actually supposed to think about it.
As a final push toward morality, Joy and I found a new issue of VEG NEWS at Whole Foods today. Natalie Portman on the cover was enough for me to say "Sure, go ahead". Albeit it's 5 bucks an issue.
Inside was a very interesting article informing us about the NUMEROUS ingredients in everyday prepared and packaged foods. Not only did it translate what the label says to what it ACTUALLY is, but also says HOW they make it.
This direct paragraph, for instance:
"If you've been vegetarian long enough, you might already be aware that an enzyme from a newborn calf's stomach appears in most cheeses (even "vegetarian" ones) and other products. It's called rennet or rennin, and it's obtained by removing the calf's fourth stomach after slaughter, dry-salting and washing it, scraping away the surface fat, stretching it over drying racks, grinding it up, and mixing it with a salt solution."
THAT is in your cheese.
Chris asked me if I would eat eggs from organic, free-range chickens.
Libby asked why I would be pro-choice, but not care about killing baby chickens in eggs.
Well, the egg thing didn't really matter, because eggs you eat are unfertilized.
The entire point with eggs is that the chickens are all bred on farms, stuffed in pens (free-range usually means that they are not caged "all the time"), and after they stop producing the eggs you want, you chop them up.
What is my moral issue that I've been dealing with on eggs?
Let the damn chicken just BE a chicken!
Stop forcing it to produce all the stuff YOU want, and let it just live!
But it's NOT only the cheese and eggs that are the problem.
L-Cysteine Hydrochloride, a flour additive in cereals and baked goods, is extracted from duck feathers.
"Natural Flavors", which is an item list on many, many, MANY foods (I can't say "all", but it's close), is a choice combination of many ingredients. The whole point is there are certain things that fall under that category, so if they are used in the food all they have to put is "Natural Flavors". You don't know how many or what is in there.
Here's a few "Natural Flavors" that may be in your food:
Castoreum, which is used to add a "creamy and raspberry" flavoring, is actually an extract from the anal musk glands of beavers.
Isinglass, which is gelatin from the bladder of a sturgeon.
Lipase, which is an enzyme from calf tongues.
Musk, from the genitals of the Northern Asian Hornless deer.
Ground beetles, to add a hint of purple to toaster pastries.
These are just a few.
The bottom line here is that nowadays, packaged and prepared foods use so many unhealthy, immoral, and unnatural ingredients, that you need to be a "Linguist or a scholar" (as one man in the article put it) to discern just WHAT it is you are putting into your body.
It will be tough, and it will be a pain in the ass for many people around me...especially this close to Thanksgiving.
But I'm not sorry for the decision.
From here on out, I am proud to say that I am a VEGAN.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Why I'm Always So Angry
Am I really as bad as people say I am?
Am I really as judgmental, selfish and rude as they think?
I have been really angry, tense, and moreover depressed over the last few weeks or so...but it has finally hit the apex. I've wigged out, broken down, and refused to talk about it, which is very tough for me to do.
Apparently, I judge people all the time. Constantly. Like, innately...without even trying.
That's some feat.
This has nothing to do with religion. I know this blog is mostly only read by Sarah and Joy, but if certain people get wind of it. Know this. God still doesn't exist. So don't patronize me.
on that note...
I am always hearing about how I'm judging someone, being rude, being insensitive, or not caring.
I'm pretty much fucking sick of it.
I HATE MYSELF.
I HATE WHO I AM,
I HATE WHAT I DO, and most importantly,
I FUCKING HATE WHAT I SAY.
Everything that comes out of my mouth is full of half-witted, supposed shit, much of which I exaggerate right before I say it, just to make it sound worse in my favor. I say things incorrectly, make words up, use words incorrectly, and then turn them into something that wouldn't even sound like english.
What else?
I HATE MY MEMORY.
My speech would probably improve exponentially if I could member what day it fucking was half the time. Whenever I have a point to make to someone, I stop halfway through because I don't remember what my point was. Meanwhile, the other person is (once again) heaving a huge sigh, wondering what the fuck I'm getting at, and why I haven't had the decency to shut the fuck up yet.
I HATE MY LIFE.
I hate the fact that I'm living day-to-day, suffering through a mindless job full of hypocritical assholes who don't give a shit about anything but themselves, trying to do my job while being constantly harrassed all day, and then getting told that I'm lazy.
I hate coming home to find out that all I do is say ridiculous shit that makes my wife and family members think I'm an asshole, or that I have preconceived notions about people that aren't true. I'm sick of being the kid that no one wants to listen to. The one they just point at the corner and let him talk to the wallpaper. Because no matter what, he didn't have anything important to say in the first place.
I feel like no one takes me seriously.
I feel like no one appreciates me, which is well-founded if this is really how I am.
I feel like I'm just an ugly, unattractive troll who is good for a laugh if he can't get out a coherent sentence without creating new words or repeating himself for four hours.
I'm just sick of being me.
I think you all are, too.
Am I really as judgmental, selfish and rude as they think?
I have been really angry, tense, and moreover depressed over the last few weeks or so...but it has finally hit the apex. I've wigged out, broken down, and refused to talk about it, which is very tough for me to do.
Apparently, I judge people all the time. Constantly. Like, innately...without even trying.
That's some feat.
This has nothing to do with religion. I know this blog is mostly only read by Sarah and Joy, but if certain people get wind of it. Know this. God still doesn't exist. So don't patronize me.
on that note...
I am always hearing about how I'm judging someone, being rude, being insensitive, or not caring.
I'm pretty much fucking sick of it.
I HATE MYSELF.
I HATE WHO I AM,
I HATE WHAT I DO, and most importantly,
I FUCKING HATE WHAT I SAY.
Everything that comes out of my mouth is full of half-witted, supposed shit, much of which I exaggerate right before I say it, just to make it sound worse in my favor. I say things incorrectly, make words up, use words incorrectly, and then turn them into something that wouldn't even sound like english.
What else?
I HATE MY MEMORY.
My speech would probably improve exponentially if I could member what day it fucking was half the time. Whenever I have a point to make to someone, I stop halfway through because I don't remember what my point was. Meanwhile, the other person is (once again) heaving a huge sigh, wondering what the fuck I'm getting at, and why I haven't had the decency to shut the fuck up yet.
I HATE MY LIFE.
I hate the fact that I'm living day-to-day, suffering through a mindless job full of hypocritical assholes who don't give a shit about anything but themselves, trying to do my job while being constantly harrassed all day, and then getting told that I'm lazy.
I hate coming home to find out that all I do is say ridiculous shit that makes my wife and family members think I'm an asshole, or that I have preconceived notions about people that aren't true. I'm sick of being the kid that no one wants to listen to. The one they just point at the corner and let him talk to the wallpaper. Because no matter what, he didn't have anything important to say in the first place.
I feel like no one takes me seriously.
I feel like no one appreciates me, which is well-founded if this is really how I am.
I feel like I'm just an ugly, unattractive troll who is good for a laugh if he can't get out a coherent sentence without creating new words or repeating himself for four hours.
I'm just sick of being me.
I think you all are, too.
A Great Atheist Response on YouTube
There was a great response to the atheist clip I posted earlier. The guy is just a normal person who responded to the clip, and spoke of his own opinions and experiences...I found it fantastic. He includes many things that people just gloss over.
Shit that makes me cry
I don't care who you are or what you believe....watch this video. It makes me SOOOOOOOOOOO fucking angry.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Atheist Video on YouTube
So while randomly surfing YouTube for interesting things to see, I ran across a great video on Atheists that I want everyone to see. I'm sure people will have things to say, but I don't really care.
Also, Joy found an interesting video the other day about abortion protestors, who seemingly enough, don't have a punishment for what they see as the worst crime of our time.
...and I'm sure someone will pray for us for posting them.
Also, Joy found an interesting video the other day about abortion protestors, who seemingly enough, don't have a punishment for what they see as the worst crime of our time.
...and I'm sure someone will pray for us for posting them.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
In Which I Have a Nervous Breakdown
So, it's been about 2 months since I last posted something. I guess today would be the event that sparks some creativity into my judgmental, overly-sensitive, selfish bones.
I'm so mad right now that I just really need to explode. Let it all out.
Some people don't deserve it, others do. I can't tell which is which because at the moment I feel like I'm throwing fire at everyone I talk to...if I talk at all.
Sarah and I ran 11 miles today. I refused to even speak for a good hour of it because 5 minutes into the run, she incinuated that I was being judgmental. Not only that, but said that that's "What you do".
So, Judgy McJudgerton called out the competition.
Then I get to my mom's house, where Dad once again tells me to buy him something when I go walking with Mom. When he assumes things like that, I usually try to treat it as the child saying "I WANT CANDY!"
No questions, no asking, no simple request even....just "I'll take a Diet Mountain Dew".
Then, upon returning, puts a cardboard box in my hand and asks me how much postage it needs to mail.
Now, since I passed on the offer to have a portable cash register, scale, and rate chart built into my hand, he was a little out of luck.
Then, he asked me if one stamp would do it, which made me wig out.
"One stamp?!"
"Yeah."
"One stamp is 41 cents. That signature request you have on it is 1.70 by itself."
"You guys charge for that?"
(rolling my eyes, giving the "duh" look) "Ummm...YEAH!"
In Dad's defense, I was already angry to begin with, so he was probably doomed from the start.
Lately, I've been having this feeling that no one ever lets me just DO SOMETHING.
There is always something wrong with:
how I'm doing it,
I wasn't supposed to do it,
I didn't do it quickly enough,
you can't wear blue on a Tuesday,
no one likes your clothes,
you're judgmental,
you need to ___________ more often,
don't forget to ________,
"Why would you do that?"
"Well, why don't you ________ instead?"
I may sound harsh....but is it wrong of me to once in awhile, want everyone to just LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?!
Because I don't care what you people think of me. Just let me live the way I want to, and if I do something wrong, I can learn from my own mistakes. That way, I will at least be controlling my OWN existence, instead of everyone else living it for me.
I'm so mad right now that I just really need to explode. Let it all out.
Some people don't deserve it, others do. I can't tell which is which because at the moment I feel like I'm throwing fire at everyone I talk to...if I talk at all.
Sarah and I ran 11 miles today. I refused to even speak for a good hour of it because 5 minutes into the run, she incinuated that I was being judgmental. Not only that, but said that that's "What you do".
So, Judgy McJudgerton called out the competition.
Then I get to my mom's house, where Dad once again tells me to buy him something when I go walking with Mom. When he assumes things like that, I usually try to treat it as the child saying "I WANT CANDY!"
No questions, no asking, no simple request even....just "I'll take a Diet Mountain Dew".
Then, upon returning, puts a cardboard box in my hand and asks me how much postage it needs to mail.
Now, since I passed on the offer to have a portable cash register, scale, and rate chart built into my hand, he was a little out of luck.
Then, he asked me if one stamp would do it, which made me wig out.
"One stamp?!"
"Yeah."
"One stamp is 41 cents. That signature request you have on it is 1.70 by itself."
"You guys charge for that?"
(rolling my eyes, giving the "duh" look) "Ummm...YEAH!"
In Dad's defense, I was already angry to begin with, so he was probably doomed from the start.
Lately, I've been having this feeling that no one ever lets me just DO SOMETHING.
There is always something wrong with:
how I'm doing it,
I wasn't supposed to do it,
I didn't do it quickly enough,
you can't wear blue on a Tuesday,
no one likes your clothes,
you're judgmental,
you need to ___________ more often,
don't forget to ________,
"Why would you do that?"
"Well, why don't you ________ instead?"
I may sound harsh....but is it wrong of me to once in awhile, want everyone to just LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?!
Because I don't care what you people think of me. Just let me live the way I want to, and if I do something wrong, I can learn from my own mistakes. That way, I will at least be controlling my OWN existence, instead of everyone else living it for me.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
The Most Important Things
I've learned.
For the first time, I think my eyes are truly open as to what I want and what I need to feel safe and happy in my life. It's quite the cliche. But then, as Chris and I both know, nothing is cliche when it happens to You.
I have tried opening myself up to new feelings over the last year. New ideas, ways of life, and most importantly, the ability to adapt a concept of who I am.
I mean, sure, I'm Dann. But who gives a shit?
What I'm trying to say is, the first real dose of reality hits you at some point or another, and you realize just what is important, and what you don't give two shits about.
I've been asking myself, "If I died tomorrow? How will I be remembered? Will what I said to ______ yesterday really matter?"
As much of a blinding case of the obvious as it is, I really don't think my yelling at a sibling for not answering the phone would not be an ideal last memory for someone to have of me.
Mom and Dad,
I'm sorry I seem to have spread apart from the family in the last few years, but it has been necessary to develop into who I am, even if that person is a self-righteous asshole. But who can tell?
Jenny, I'm sorry we don't get along. But we are still brother and sister. So no matter what we believe, that is a start.
Libby, I apologize for making fun of your problems all the time. Everyone has them, and hecklers increase them exponentially.
Sarah, I'm sorry I refer to you as "Selfish and Egotistical" at times. It is basically a bad judgment, since I cannot speak for you, nor can I tell what you are thinking.
Megan, I feel horrible for taking you for granted. You are always there to say Hello, always willing to talk and have fun, and always trying to spend time with me...which I have reglected to do.
Chris, I'm sorry that our relationship has turned slightly sour over the last few years. I know this is due to many things, but I am the root of most of them. I have no excuses to make, but I want you to still remain my best friend in 30 years, because very few people understand me like you do.
Finally, Joy.
I'm sorry that I'm not the man you thought I was. You thought I was a peppy, energetic comedian who loved to make people laugh, and tell sarcastic jokes. This is mostly true. Bu there are many parts to me that unnecessarily break through...and I apologize so much for this, I love you more than I can say.
That goes for all of you.
I promise I will change.
The point.
I have many things dear to me. Up until now, I have failed miserably in letting it known that the little things in life won't matter tomorrow, or the next day. I probably won't remember them next year, either.
What I will remember are the memories I have of each person that I feel that connection to, even if I feel like that connection has weakened or snapped.
I don't want the most precious things in my life to fade away without a sense that I did what I could, when I could, and I didn't sit idly by and let it all go to shit around me.
I'm sick and tired of feeling like everything is my fault.
From now on, I plan to take responsibility for what I do, say, and portray to others. Because the old cliche says it best:
"You never appreciate what you have until its gone."
For the first time, I think my eyes are truly open as to what I want and what I need to feel safe and happy in my life. It's quite the cliche. But then, as Chris and I both know, nothing is cliche when it happens to You.
I have tried opening myself up to new feelings over the last year. New ideas, ways of life, and most importantly, the ability to adapt a concept of who I am.
I mean, sure, I'm Dann. But who gives a shit?
What I'm trying to say is, the first real dose of reality hits you at some point or another, and you realize just what is important, and what you don't give two shits about.
I've been asking myself, "If I died tomorrow? How will I be remembered? Will what I said to ______ yesterday really matter?"
As much of a blinding case of the obvious as it is, I really don't think my yelling at a sibling for not answering the phone would not be an ideal last memory for someone to have of me.
Mom and Dad,
I'm sorry I seem to have spread apart from the family in the last few years, but it has been necessary to develop into who I am, even if that person is a self-righteous asshole. But who can tell?
Jenny, I'm sorry we don't get along. But we are still brother and sister. So no matter what we believe, that is a start.
Libby, I apologize for making fun of your problems all the time. Everyone has them, and hecklers increase them exponentially.
Sarah, I'm sorry I refer to you as "Selfish and Egotistical" at times. It is basically a bad judgment, since I cannot speak for you, nor can I tell what you are thinking.
Megan, I feel horrible for taking you for granted. You are always there to say Hello, always willing to talk and have fun, and always trying to spend time with me...which I have reglected to do.
Chris, I'm sorry that our relationship has turned slightly sour over the last few years. I know this is due to many things, but I am the root of most of them. I have no excuses to make, but I want you to still remain my best friend in 30 years, because very few people understand me like you do.
Finally, Joy.
I'm sorry that I'm not the man you thought I was. You thought I was a peppy, energetic comedian who loved to make people laugh, and tell sarcastic jokes. This is mostly true. Bu there are many parts to me that unnecessarily break through...and I apologize so much for this, I love you more than I can say.
That goes for all of you.
I promise I will change.
The point.
I have many things dear to me. Up until now, I have failed miserably in letting it known that the little things in life won't matter tomorrow, or the next day. I probably won't remember them next year, either.
What I will remember are the memories I have of each person that I feel that connection to, even if I feel like that connection has weakened or snapped.
I don't want the most precious things in my life to fade away without a sense that I did what I could, when I could, and I didn't sit idly by and let it all go to shit around me.
I'm sick and tired of feeling like everything is my fault.
From now on, I plan to take responsibility for what I do, say, and portray to others. Because the old cliche says it best:
"You never appreciate what you have until its gone."
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
My Good Deed For the Year
So today, upon returning to my car from picking up a pizza (I know, I know...it doesn't happen often, so leave me alone), I noticed a cellphone on the ground in the parking lot. Upon picking it up, I got that strange "what if this belongs to a total jerk who would just accuse me of stealing it" kinda feeling...and why are other people's phones always greasy-feeling?
Anyway, I cleaned it off, took it back home, and called the first contact that looked promising.
"Dad".
Upon calling, this monotone-sounding guy answered by saying "what?"
We were not off to a good start.
However, after many minutes of explaining the situation, telling him my name, and having to convince him that his daughter wasn't tied up in my trunk, he gave me her email address, as well as the number to the cell itself, so I could leave a message for her to check remotely.
I did both, and within an hour she called my cellphone back, and we decided to meet in front of Target, since my place is confusing to navigate the parking lot, and she couldn't give me a good idea of her address. Don't ask me why.
So I drove to Target, and found her sitting outside with her friend/boyfriend/brother.
*HERE'S THE FUNNY BIT.
She said Hi, asked if I was Dann, and I said Yes, etc...
But no sooner than when I reached out to hand her the phone, then she extended one of her hands to take it, and the other to simultaneously hand me a 20 dollar bill.
Which I quickly denied.
I told her to keep it, and I just wanted her to have her phone back. She asked if I was sure, and I said definitely. They both thanked me, and said they would instead "take this as a gift of kindness" and use it for beer.
College kids.
Anyway, the whole point here is I know most people would just leave the phone on the ground, or be afraid to track the person down, much less call their friends and say "Ummm....Hi. I'm Dann Rafferty and I have your daughter's cellphone."
But this girl assumed that she needed to pay me for something that was already hers. I know in our society today, most people steal shit instead of returning it, but it seemed odd to me that she would do that. I guess it's logical with people today....but...I dunno. It's strange.
Can't someone just give something back to it's owner without pulling the "how much is it worth to you?" card?
I'm not belittling her. Far from it. I mean...she offered me 20 bucks!
But I guess aside from trying to be nice, it felt like she offered it so expediciously that she thought I would demand it.
That 5 minute span made me question humanity. Why are we so greedy? Why is money always the most important thing? I won't get all existentialist, but I wanted to say how I felt about it. There. Done.
This struck another short chord (very short, just thought of it now), about something the religious guy Joy was chatting with online about issues in the Bible. He said that Atheists have nothing to attach their morals to (i.e. the dude upstairs) so to them, killing people should be easy...they have no moral punishment, and no reason to do anything good. I wanted to message this guy and tell him to send me the picture of him eating his hat.
Besides, the last major thing I did for someone not related to me was the 20 bucks I gave to the homeless guy sitting by the expressway 2 years ago. So I was do for another.
Anyway, I cleaned it off, took it back home, and called the first contact that looked promising.
"Dad".
Upon calling, this monotone-sounding guy answered by saying "what?"
We were not off to a good start.
However, after many minutes of explaining the situation, telling him my name, and having to convince him that his daughter wasn't tied up in my trunk, he gave me her email address, as well as the number to the cell itself, so I could leave a message for her to check remotely.
I did both, and within an hour she called my cellphone back, and we decided to meet in front of Target, since my place is confusing to navigate the parking lot, and she couldn't give me a good idea of her address. Don't ask me why.
So I drove to Target, and found her sitting outside with her friend/boyfriend/brother.
*HERE'S THE FUNNY BIT.
She said Hi, asked if I was Dann, and I said Yes, etc...
But no sooner than when I reached out to hand her the phone, then she extended one of her hands to take it, and the other to simultaneously hand me a 20 dollar bill.
Which I quickly denied.
I told her to keep it, and I just wanted her to have her phone back. She asked if I was sure, and I said definitely. They both thanked me, and said they would instead "take this as a gift of kindness" and use it for beer.
College kids.
Anyway, the whole point here is I know most people would just leave the phone on the ground, or be afraid to track the person down, much less call their friends and say "Ummm....Hi. I'm Dann Rafferty and I have your daughter's cellphone."
But this girl assumed that she needed to pay me for something that was already hers. I know in our society today, most people steal shit instead of returning it, but it seemed odd to me that she would do that. I guess it's logical with people today....but...I dunno. It's strange.
Can't someone just give something back to it's owner without pulling the "how much is it worth to you?" card?
I'm not belittling her. Far from it. I mean...she offered me 20 bucks!
But I guess aside from trying to be nice, it felt like she offered it so expediciously that she thought I would demand it.
That 5 minute span made me question humanity. Why are we so greedy? Why is money always the most important thing? I won't get all existentialist, but I wanted to say how I felt about it. There. Done.
This struck another short chord (very short, just thought of it now), about something the religious guy Joy was chatting with online about issues in the Bible. He said that Atheists have nothing to attach their morals to (i.e. the dude upstairs) so to them, killing people should be easy...they have no moral punishment, and no reason to do anything good. I wanted to message this guy and tell him to send me the picture of him eating his hat.
Besides, the last major thing I did for someone not related to me was the 20 bucks I gave to the homeless guy sitting by the expressway 2 years ago. So I was do for another.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
What Would Jenny Do?
So Joy and I just had a wonderful run-in with Jenny. Would you like some background?
Jenny posted a bulletin on Myspace, siting a page where supposedly teachers were "brainwashing" children. Upon watching the videos, I retorted, praising the site for educating kids on what homosexuality is, and how it is involved in our lives.
The kids in the videos were smart and very knowledgeable, knowing when things were "prejudice" as one first-grader put it.
I replied in my own post, saying that the site was wonderful, not immoral, and I must admit, made a bash or two about Jen and her own teachings. However, she will advocate that the entire post was bashing her personally.
I get a call 2 hours later, demanding I recant the post, calling it "slander".
I declined.
Then, the 30 minute argument ensues, with her telling me that a T-Rex can be a vegetarian, despite its build (the whole claws, huge teeth and complex stomach system thing), just as a panda has teeth to eat bamboo. WTF.
We get to talking about the Creation "Museum", and she yells at me that I know nothing about her, and that "You have to look at the evidence. Not the evidence that people show you, but what you find for yourself."
To which I replied, "You have no evidence."
She said "What?"
I said "Dinosaurs have been found. We KNOW they were meat eaters. So what? You think it's wrong to teach children about homosexuality in schools, but you can tell a child that a 50 foot beast with razor-sharp teeth used them to open coconuts? (which is actually what the guides at the "museum" are told to tell you. It's on the review site)". She asks how I can know everything about dinosaurs. I said honestly, "I don't. But neither do you. And I can tell you for sure that a T-Rex wasn't given claws, a 50 foot build, massive muscles and teeth for eating ferns".
She called me arrogant. I was surprised it took that long.
She says it is something that could have happened that she and her family believe. Then she continues to how I know nothing about her again.
So Jen starts to tell me about the Bible, because I stated that it was her only source of "evidence". I told her that she glosses over parts of the Bible, while whole-heartedly believing others. She says "Like what?"
I said "Glad you asked. What about the verse about Lot in Genesis, about how a man cannot give his son to a stranger to have sex with him, but he should instead give the stranger his virgin daughters to 'do what you like with them'."
She says "What verse?"
I told her to hold on one sec, because Joy had pulled up the site earlier, and knew it better than I. Joy takes the phone and says, very calmly, "Hi Jenny, give me one sec, I know this verse better than Dann---"
Jen immediately cuts her off, saying "You stay out of this! Give the phone back to Dann!"
Joy tries to get in 2 words, informing Jen that she merely wants to read her the verse, like she ASKED for.
Jen begins to hurl accusations and screams at Joy, Joy pulls the phone away from her face, and I can hear her 3 rooms away. Jen then hangs up on Joy...who, at this point, has not even said an entire sentence yet.
Joy devastated, We call her back twice, once was me reading the verse, informing her that apparently raping your daughter is better than homosexuality.
The second was Joy, letting Jen know she had no reason to scream at her, especially before she even knew what Joy was going to say...which was the verse she asked for.
What is the moral here?
I don't really know. I don't think there is one. Fuck, this is how wars get started. If I had oil reserves in my backyard, they would've invaded me already.
So Dann may never see Noah and Sophia again. But I think I was prepared for that. Because in a few years, the 3 of us probably won't recogize each other anymore.
I haven't recogized Jenny for awhile. Same for Jason.
But they got over it. So I did too.
Yes, Dann and Jenny don't mix. She thinks I'm arrogant, I know she's blindfolded, and life continues. I, however, will remain comfortable in knowing that MY daughter will never be handed over to a strange dude on my porch in the middle of the night.
As for Jen...
Well...she never answered that question.
Jenny posted a bulletin on Myspace, siting a page where supposedly teachers were "brainwashing" children. Upon watching the videos, I retorted, praising the site for educating kids on what homosexuality is, and how it is involved in our lives.
The kids in the videos were smart and very knowledgeable, knowing when things were "prejudice" as one first-grader put it.
I replied in my own post, saying that the site was wonderful, not immoral, and I must admit, made a bash or two about Jen and her own teachings. However, she will advocate that the entire post was bashing her personally.
I get a call 2 hours later, demanding I recant the post, calling it "slander".
I declined.
Then, the 30 minute argument ensues, with her telling me that a T-Rex can be a vegetarian, despite its build (the whole claws, huge teeth and complex stomach system thing), just as a panda has teeth to eat bamboo. WTF.
We get to talking about the Creation "Museum", and she yells at me that I know nothing about her, and that "You have to look at the evidence. Not the evidence that people show you, but what you find for yourself."
To which I replied, "You have no evidence."
She said "What?"
I said "Dinosaurs have been found. We KNOW they were meat eaters. So what? You think it's wrong to teach children about homosexuality in schools, but you can tell a child that a 50 foot beast with razor-sharp teeth used them to open coconuts? (which is actually what the guides at the "museum" are told to tell you. It's on the review site)". She asks how I can know everything about dinosaurs. I said honestly, "I don't. But neither do you. And I can tell you for sure that a T-Rex wasn't given claws, a 50 foot build, massive muscles and teeth for eating ferns".
She called me arrogant. I was surprised it took that long.
She says it is something that could have happened that she and her family believe. Then she continues to how I know nothing about her again.
So Jen starts to tell me about the Bible, because I stated that it was her only source of "evidence". I told her that she glosses over parts of the Bible, while whole-heartedly believing others. She says "Like what?"
I said "Glad you asked. What about the verse about Lot in Genesis, about how a man cannot give his son to a stranger to have sex with him, but he should instead give the stranger his virgin daughters to 'do what you like with them'."
She says "What verse?"
I told her to hold on one sec, because Joy had pulled up the site earlier, and knew it better than I. Joy takes the phone and says, very calmly, "Hi Jenny, give me one sec, I know this verse better than Dann---"
Jen immediately cuts her off, saying "You stay out of this! Give the phone back to Dann!"
Joy tries to get in 2 words, informing Jen that she merely wants to read her the verse, like she ASKED for.
Jen begins to hurl accusations and screams at Joy, Joy pulls the phone away from her face, and I can hear her 3 rooms away. Jen then hangs up on Joy...who, at this point, has not even said an entire sentence yet.
Joy devastated, We call her back twice, once was me reading the verse, informing her that apparently raping your daughter is better than homosexuality.
The second was Joy, letting Jen know she had no reason to scream at her, especially before she even knew what Joy was going to say...which was the verse she asked for.
What is the moral here?
I don't really know. I don't think there is one. Fuck, this is how wars get started. If I had oil reserves in my backyard, they would've invaded me already.
So Dann may never see Noah and Sophia again. But I think I was prepared for that. Because in a few years, the 3 of us probably won't recogize each other anymore.
I haven't recogized Jenny for awhile. Same for Jason.
But they got over it. So I did too.
Yes, Dann and Jenny don't mix. She thinks I'm arrogant, I know she's blindfolded, and life continues. I, however, will remain comfortable in knowing that MY daughter will never be handed over to a strange dude on my porch in the middle of the night.
As for Jen...
Well...she never answered that question.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Everyday Crusades
Joy is still having an endless bout with the religious dude. She gets so frustrated with him, because (like most christians) he doesn't answer any of her questions, (I.E. "Why does your god gamble with lives (like Job), yet christians say that gambling is evil?", "Why is it that God supposedly told Abraham to murder his son (which he was going to do), but whenever people kill in the name of "God", christians say it's just Satan talking to you", and "Do you agree with the passage in the Bible that says if a man does not believe in God, you should kill him, burn his town, rape the women in it, and kill and dismember all their babies?"
You know, the general stuff.
I've noticed that with all heavily religious people. Christians mostly. I may be libeled and have numerous remarks made about this, but it's true. You can't have an honest debate with a christian. It doesn't work. They are SO bent on converting you, that you can show them every contradictory passage in the Bible, and they'll just quote scripture back at you...thinking they've somehow accomplished something. They think the Bible is self-proving...which is also ridiculous. The one thing you always hear is "Because it's in the Bible". Of course. The Bible is truth because it says so.
That's like using a word in its own definition.
Most christians also spend little or no time questioning the reasoning behind the stories in the Bible. They read a story like Job, and they say "What a good man...he has strong faith". They don't say something a rational person would say like "Hey! Why did God just shit all over that guy for no reason except to win a bet with the Devil?! What an asshole!"
The whole point, which I have stated many a time (no, I don't expect them to listen anymore) is easy...
People created God in THEIR image. They created him so they could answer all those questions they had no answers to:
"What happens when we die?"
"How did we get here?"
"WHY are we here?"
These questions are far beyond the realm of human comprehension. Hence, God was born.
1. God created Man, then Woman from Man's rib (subjugation), even though all fetuses begin as female,
2. Then he killed all except Noah's family and 2 of each animal, and they repopulate (inbreeding)
3. God states that out of all his rules, the main ones are DONT DEFY ME, DONT HONOR ANYONE ELSE, and ABOVE ALL, PRAISE ME..."dont kill anybody" ends up in distant fifth place.
4. Charleton Heston looks horrible in a wig.
5. God gets his priorities in order, which are all mostly "Have people worship me", "Get more members", and "Kill those who don't convert"
6. Yul Brenner doesn't need a wig.
Anyway, I'm done for awhile. I just wanted to give a first glance as to what I'm noticing in this world. Christians are like brick walls. I hate to make a generic statement like that, but unfortunatley it's true. I have had 3 (that I can recall offhand) relationships / friendships that have ended in complete ignoring of me, simply because the inevitable happened: I asked questions, they ignored them, they said God was great, I said "But this passage says that _________________, do you think that's right?", they said "I think you're misinformed", I say "I got it from the Bible", they scream "I will pray for you!" and never talk to me again.
Rinse and Repeat.
You know, the general stuff.
I've noticed that with all heavily religious people. Christians mostly. I may be libeled and have numerous remarks made about this, but it's true. You can't have an honest debate with a christian. It doesn't work. They are SO bent on converting you, that you can show them every contradictory passage in the Bible, and they'll just quote scripture back at you...thinking they've somehow accomplished something. They think the Bible is self-proving...which is also ridiculous. The one thing you always hear is "Because it's in the Bible". Of course. The Bible is truth because it says so.
That's like using a word in its own definition.
Most christians also spend little or no time questioning the reasoning behind the stories in the Bible. They read a story like Job, and they say "What a good man...he has strong faith". They don't say something a rational person would say like "Hey! Why did God just shit all over that guy for no reason except to win a bet with the Devil?! What an asshole!"
The whole point, which I have stated many a time (no, I don't expect them to listen anymore) is easy...
People created God in THEIR image. They created him so they could answer all those questions they had no answers to:
"What happens when we die?"
"How did we get here?"
"WHY are we here?"
These questions are far beyond the realm of human comprehension. Hence, God was born.
1. God created Man, then Woman from Man's rib (subjugation), even though all fetuses begin as female,
2. Then he killed all except Noah's family and 2 of each animal, and they repopulate (inbreeding)
3. God states that out of all his rules, the main ones are DONT DEFY ME, DONT HONOR ANYONE ELSE, and ABOVE ALL, PRAISE ME..."dont kill anybody" ends up in distant fifth place.
4. Charleton Heston looks horrible in a wig.
5. God gets his priorities in order, which are all mostly "Have people worship me", "Get more members", and "Kill those who don't convert"
6. Yul Brenner doesn't need a wig.
Anyway, I'm done for awhile. I just wanted to give a first glance as to what I'm noticing in this world. Christians are like brick walls. I hate to make a generic statement like that, but unfortunatley it's true. I have had 3 (that I can recall offhand) relationships / friendships that have ended in complete ignoring of me, simply because the inevitable happened: I asked questions, they ignored them, they said God was great, I said "But this passage says that _________________, do you think that's right?", they said "I think you're misinformed", I say "I got it from the Bible", they scream "I will pray for you!" and never talk to me again.
Rinse and Repeat.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
I'M DONE. I'M NOT DOING IT ANYMORE.
After hearing the endless rants and rampages that Joy has gone on, listening to endless quotes from numerous books and magazines, and reading one-line statistics in random books, nothing has phased me. I'm still a meat-eater. Nothing has gotten through my impervious shield of denial, which so many humans have nowadays. I just said "Wow", and moved on.
Fortunately, I was just hit with the reality stick.
I just watched "Fast Food Nation".
It's not a documentary. So there's no way conservatives can say "Well there's a lot of liberal bias in that." It's a ficticious story about how the fast food mega-corporations, as well as the people of this country, operate on auto-pilot. Deny this, ignore that. Show a flashy sign, make an extra dollar.
The entire movie shows very well how the world, and more particularly Americans, operate on "quick-eating, no time to cook, maybe I'll have some frozen Sausage and mac & Cheese" lifestyles. It was shown believably...which is the most important aspect. You watch this movie thinking "I've seen this happen before" many times.
It was really an eye-opener. But the most compelling was the last five minutes, throughout which, I don't believe I even remembered to breathe. It's the worst thing I have ever seen.
And, as a first for me, I felt something from the film I never really have before, especially in a movie.
INNER HATRED.
I hated myself and all other people who continue to blindly pay and give money to companies who find it not only legal, but morally sound to give an electric shock to these animals, cut off their heads (while awake), slaughter them, peel off their skin, and let their viscera slide down a chute into a large vat.
I realized how those thousands of loyal german citizens felt after WWII, when they were led into Auschwitz, and saw what was hidden from them the whole time.
I cried.
I cried so hard I couldn't help myself.
I felt strange, since I've never cried at a movie (save for "Untamed Heart" when I was eight)
and I wondered why.
For the first time, I realized that I actually cared about it. I was allowing them to kill another living thing, like ME, and serve it to me. How selfish.
I'm never eating meat again. Chicken, steak, hamburger, pork, turkey. ANYTHING.
I've made this decision on my own...and I swear on my life, I'm never gonna break it. EVER.
Thanks for listening to me ramble.
It was much appreciated.
Fortunately, I was just hit with the reality stick.
I just watched "Fast Food Nation".
It's not a documentary. So there's no way conservatives can say "Well there's a lot of liberal bias in that." It's a ficticious story about how the fast food mega-corporations, as well as the people of this country, operate on auto-pilot. Deny this, ignore that. Show a flashy sign, make an extra dollar.
The entire movie shows very well how the world, and more particularly Americans, operate on "quick-eating, no time to cook, maybe I'll have some frozen Sausage and mac & Cheese" lifestyles. It was shown believably...which is the most important aspect. You watch this movie thinking "I've seen this happen before" many times.
It was really an eye-opener. But the most compelling was the last five minutes, throughout which, I don't believe I even remembered to breathe. It's the worst thing I have ever seen.
And, as a first for me, I felt something from the film I never really have before, especially in a movie.
INNER HATRED.
I hated myself and all other people who continue to blindly pay and give money to companies who find it not only legal, but morally sound to give an electric shock to these animals, cut off their heads (while awake), slaughter them, peel off their skin, and let their viscera slide down a chute into a large vat.
I realized how those thousands of loyal german citizens felt after WWII, when they were led into Auschwitz, and saw what was hidden from them the whole time.
I cried.
I cried so hard I couldn't help myself.
I felt strange, since I've never cried at a movie (save for "Untamed Heart" when I was eight)
and I wondered why.
For the first time, I realized that I actually cared about it. I was allowing them to kill another living thing, like ME, and serve it to me. How selfish.
I'm never eating meat again. Chicken, steak, hamburger, pork, turkey. ANYTHING.
I've made this decision on my own...and I swear on my life, I'm never gonna break it. EVER.
Thanks for listening to me ramble.
It was much appreciated.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Dementia and Peanut Butter
I'm going nuts.
I'm massively stressing out about switching jobs, going to school full-time, and trying to find someway to make ends meet at home without selling my car, getting rid of internet, and eating my feet for dinner.
I'm so goddamn depressed about all of it. I'm trying so hard to get a passing grade in Anatomy, and Joy seems to get high grades easily. I know she studies hard, but if she can get those great grades by studying just as hard as I am, and I struggle so hard to maintain my 79% average...am I making the wrond decision?
Maybe I was made to stay in the postal service my whole life, listening to fat supervisors tell me to "get to work" and "when there's time for leaning, there's time for cleaning." Living everyday with the same bullshit gossip and high school backstabbing that goes on like clockwork. Maybe I was not supposed to get any better than this.
I have been there for 3 years now...almost EVERY single day, I get someone else asking me about how to do something. What's the protocol? How do I get this receipt out of the backlog and reprint it? How do I process a bulk mailing trust? I KNOW! ASK DANN!
Why? Because I know more than the fucking people who have been there for 25 fucking years. I was called (rather foamingly) an "idiot" today (more than once) for changing the 3-month calender so it doesn't show past months. Now I don't know about you, but when I come into the post office planning when something will arrive or try to find out when I'm coming back from vacation the first thing I ask isn't "What was 3 weeks ago from Wednesday?"
I'm at the end of my rope.
How will I pay for school? Loans? That's only fine until I reach EMU. Once there I need grants or I will be BACK IN DEBT. I just got my credit card bill down from $5,000 to $1,300 in a year. Now I'm gonna go back into debt in amounts almost 5 fold that?
On top of all this, we are way behind in wedding planning. It's not Joy's fault or mine alone. Some of it was laziness. But now it seems like we never have the time to call and get addresses from people, sit down and plan the invitations and get them mailed, plan out the reception, or any of that stuff. I just don't want my wedding to reflect my "try and not succeed" image. I don't want my guests to say "I'd give that wedding a B-"
What do I do?
Shit. I drown in my own self-pity. It's nasty. I guess writing this would assume I want people to read it. I think when I began, I did...but now I'm not so sure. But like Sarah said, you don't filter a blog...you just post it. So here goes.
I'm massively stressing out about switching jobs, going to school full-time, and trying to find someway to make ends meet at home without selling my car, getting rid of internet, and eating my feet for dinner.
I'm so goddamn depressed about all of it. I'm trying so hard to get a passing grade in Anatomy, and Joy seems to get high grades easily. I know she studies hard, but if she can get those great grades by studying just as hard as I am, and I struggle so hard to maintain my 79% average...am I making the wrond decision?
Maybe I was made to stay in the postal service my whole life, listening to fat supervisors tell me to "get to work" and "when there's time for leaning, there's time for cleaning." Living everyday with the same bullshit gossip and high school backstabbing that goes on like clockwork. Maybe I was not supposed to get any better than this.
I have been there for 3 years now...almost EVERY single day, I get someone else asking me about how to do something. What's the protocol? How do I get this receipt out of the backlog and reprint it? How do I process a bulk mailing trust? I KNOW! ASK DANN!
Why? Because I know more than the fucking people who have been there for 25 fucking years. I was called (rather foamingly) an "idiot" today (more than once) for changing the 3-month calender so it doesn't show past months. Now I don't know about you, but when I come into the post office planning when something will arrive or try to find out when I'm coming back from vacation the first thing I ask isn't "What was 3 weeks ago from Wednesday?"
I'm at the end of my rope.
How will I pay for school? Loans? That's only fine until I reach EMU. Once there I need grants or I will be BACK IN DEBT. I just got my credit card bill down from $5,000 to $1,300 in a year. Now I'm gonna go back into debt in amounts almost 5 fold that?
On top of all this, we are way behind in wedding planning. It's not Joy's fault or mine alone. Some of it was laziness. But now it seems like we never have the time to call and get addresses from people, sit down and plan the invitations and get them mailed, plan out the reception, or any of that stuff. I just don't want my wedding to reflect my "try and not succeed" image. I don't want my guests to say "I'd give that wedding a B-"
What do I do?
Shit. I drown in my own self-pity. It's nasty. I guess writing this would assume I want people to read it. I think when I began, I did...but now I'm not so sure. But like Sarah said, you don't filter a blog...you just post it. So here goes.
Monday, March 19, 2007
I Eat the Devil
Today I ate Satan.
Discuss.
Okay, I'm not exactly truthful. I ate Seitan, but it's pronounced the same way. It's some kinda weird protein-ish, kinda faux meat, wheat gluten. When you cook it, it tastes almost exactly like steak, but a little salty.
My fiance is a vegetarian, so we try to find alternatives to meat. Which is fine by me...I don't eat red meat anymore...my only vice is chicken.
CHICKEN IS LIFE.
I could eat it until it slides out of my ears.
What a kodak moment.
The seitan itself was good....but half my baked potato was black with something.
I hope I don't die.
Discuss.
Okay, I'm not exactly truthful. I ate Seitan, but it's pronounced the same way. It's some kinda weird protein-ish, kinda faux meat, wheat gluten. When you cook it, it tastes almost exactly like steak, but a little salty.
My fiance is a vegetarian, so we try to find alternatives to meat. Which is fine by me...I don't eat red meat anymore...my only vice is chicken.
CHICKEN IS LIFE.
I could eat it until it slides out of my ears.
What a kodak moment.
The seitan itself was good....but half my baked potato was black with something.
I hope I don't die.
In the beginning, I chose a font.
I finally joined the Spot. Sometimes I wondered if I was ever going to finally get around to it, but it happened.
I chose a font. TREBUCHET.
Why?
Yep. Simply because of the large, hurling weapon used to siege castles.
Great name...font looks like poop, though. It's boring as shit.
Oh well, on to more important matters.
I chose a font. TREBUCHET.
Why?
Yep. Simply because of the large, hurling weapon used to siege castles.
Great name...font looks like poop, though. It's boring as shit.
Oh well, on to more important matters.
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