"Peoples is Peoples"

I haven't written anything is awhile. I'm sitting here at work, bored stiff. So I thought...what the hell. Might as well write something.

For the first time in my life, I think the only thing I can say is that life is happening. I'm going to work, paying bills, trying to get past the whole divorce thing (with amiable success, I feel, as horrifying as the first 6 months were), and spending a lot of time reflecting on what direction said life is going in. I have no clue. But it feels...okay, actually.

As much I hate cliches, I must say that many doors are now closed to me, but others have opened. I'm spending a lot of time with a person who has become very special to me in recent weeks. Although the path ahead is uncertain, I do know that right now I enjoy walking that path with her, and I hope we continue to. I'm not mentioning her name because she "kinda sorta" wouldn't want me to ;)

She's an assassin.

Anyway, in terms of myself, I have begun working on a new strategy (many, actually) to pay off my credit card bill as much as possible before nursing school.

Aha. Nursing School.

This is another point I have come to. I am not giving up nursing school. Far from it. However, I have realized that I probably shouldn't be focusing on only one school. There are hospitals everywhere. I could easily move somewhere else (I was looking at Pittsburgh awhile back. They have a nice, new pediatric hospital) and find a job there, paying off bills and going to school there. The great thing about a medical career is that there is no shortage of jobs. People are always going to need hospitals. Of course, the only real kink in that is I can't afford an apartment right now. But if that is the only thing in the way...it's worth a thought.

I will have to make another sit rep (nod to Sarah) when I find out more info.

I will leave you with a limerick:

When finding the love you embrace,
No matter a person or place,
Life is too quick,
To not take a risk,
...and never stop saying "Your Face!"

It's Happening.

Well, as most people are probably aware of, Joy and I are getting divorced. This is not something I take lightly...as a matter of fact, I fought it for a long time. I won't go into the details as those are not only personal, but also quite inconsequential at this point. This is happening. The ball is rolling. The papers are filed.

I realize now that although you may think you've planned something down to the last minute detail, life can still throw you a curve ball. No matter how hard it hits you, at some point you have to get back on your feet and keep playing the game. Pardon the horrible analogy, but it's true.

In the beginning, I was a wreck. I felt betrayed, unloved, lied to, and most of all...abandoned. It was not uncommon to see me crumbled up on my floor screaming my face off. Although I was now living alone, I slept on the couch for 3 months. When I slept at all.

I know now that I have to move on. It's been a long 7 months. I stopped fighting it awhile ago, and just decided to sit back and watch what happened...but that doesn't work either. I'd just be lying there in the dirt.

But little by little, you start reading, reflecting, and realizing that you can't project those feelings you have on the entire world. It wasn't the world that shit on you. This is part of life. You have to learn to trust yourself, trust others, and continue the life you wanted to have for yourself...and even with another person. Which as we all know is very important to me. Many divorced friends tell me they never want to be married again. I do. Very much so. But this time I will do it right. I will approach it with the same confidence I have in myself (now more than ever) and make sure I don't fall in the same holes.

Filling out the rest of the paperwork actually gave me a slight feeling of release. Release from 7 months of tension and hurt. Now I have to learn to leave it where it is. That weight is no longer mine to carry. I need to be reading to lift up and support a new life. One that will support me when I need it to. I've spent too much time feeling alone and bleeding to death in the street. It's a horrifying feeling. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Thank you for listening.

Update

I haven't posted anything in awhile, although I am definitely not short on material. It's just not worth plastering all over the internet. It has been a rough few months, and it's not over yet (nod).

I realize the road ahead will be rocky, but I'm hoping the worst trenches are behind. I may be wrong, but unless I look into the situation with a small degree of optimism, I might as well not try at all. After all, Gretzky said it best. "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

I'm taking this shot.

It's Apparently Hard to Tell a Joke...

Rafferty, Dann: Let's play a game.
Rafferty, Dann: One of us comes up with the first line for a joke, then the other one has to finish with a punch line.
Kraft, Adam: ok i got one
Kraft, Adam: do you like fishsticks?
Rafferty, Dann: hmmm....
Kraft, Adam: say yes
Rafferty, Dann: yes
Rafferty, Dann: I know where this is going
Kraft, Adam: where is it going
Rafferty, Dann: continue
Rafferty, Dann: finish your joke
Kraft, Adam: i implore you enlighten me
Rafferty, Dann: cuz I've got one now
Kraft, Adam: ok do yours
Kraft, Adam: you know mine
Rafferty, Dann: what about the punchline of yours?
Rafferty, Dann: gotta finish it now.
Kraft, Adam: fine
Kraft, Adam: what are you a gay fish
Rafferty, Dann: oh jesus.
Rafferty, Dann: lame
Rafferty, Dann: ok, here goes.
Rafferty, Dann: Your grandma is so fat...
Rafferty, Dann: (your cue)
Kraft, Adam: that mountain dew had to change their name cuz she took up so much room .
Rafferty, Dann: what?
Rafferty, Dann: no, that's not your cue, stupid!
Rafferty, Dann: althought I am audibly laughing at my desk.
Rafferty, Dann: Your grandma is sooooooo fat...
Rafferty, Dann: (ahem)
Kraft, Adam: are you making fun of me now? i don't get it
Rafferty, Dann: oh good god
Rafferty, Dann: You're supposed to say "How fat IS she?"
Rafferty, Dann: let's try this again.
Rafferty, Dann: "Your grandmother is SO fat..."
Kraft, Adam: what do you want me to say?
Rafferty, Dann: SEE ABOVE, GENIUS.
Kraft, Adam: how fat IS he?
Rafferty, Dann: she
Rafferty, Dann: not he.
Kraft, Adam: i know i just wanted to frazzle you
Rafferty, Dann: unless she has problems.
Rafferty, Dann: Your grandmother is soooooo fat...
Rafferty, Dann: That when the Lift Team came to use the Hoyer lift on her, it snapped in three pieces, flying shrapnel everywhere and hit the tech in the leg and he died of tetanus.
Rafferty, Dann: ...your turn.
Kraft, Adam: i thought we were making jokes
Rafferty, Dann: it was.
Kraft, Adam: no
Kraft, Adam: i think you took that from an ER episode
Rafferty, Dann: what?
Rafferty, Dann: I don't watch ER
Kraft, Adam: lol
Rafferty, Dann: only gay fish watch ER.

Next Time, Seven More.

Another work conversation with Adam. I had ONE HOUR of sleep and taken 2 exams that day:

------------------------------------------

Rafferty, Dann: ONE HOUR OF SLEEP! WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Kraft, Adam: steven adler stole my buddies wallet
Rafferty, Dann: huh?
Kraft, Adam: the original drummer for guns and roses
Kraft, Adam: he was on celebrity rehab lol
Rafferty, Dann: haha
Kraft, Adam: your going to fall asleep at your desk
Rafferty, Dann: almost did once already
Kraft, Adam: lol better get some coffee
Kraft, Adam: you have tommorrow off?
Rafferty, Dann: yeah...already had some
Kraft, Adam: do you work friday
Rafferty, Dann: yeah, fri-sun
Kraft, Adam: you want to become a bounty hunter with me
Rafferty, Dann: one sec
Rafferty, Dann: how so?
Kraft, Adam: we prolly have to take a lil class then you get your license to bounty hunt
Rafferty, Dann: coo
Kraft, Adam: u down
Rafferty, Dann: yeah...who I gotz ta kill, boss?
Kraft, Adam: its not like that
Rafferty, Dann: shucks
Kraft, Adam: i'm gunna be like dog the bounty hunter but better
Rafferty, Dann: complete with trailer-trash theme?
Kraft, Adam: of course
Kraft, Adam: i think mine will be a montage of me spraying assorted animals and food products with mace
Rafferty, Dann: hahahahahahahahahahhahahaha
Rafferty, Dann: mace the Spam
Rafferty, Dann: and call it "Bra."
Kraft, Adam: lol
Kraft, Adam: oo
Kraft, Adam: and i like the classical music on my phone
Kraft, Adam: i don't know where it came from but it sounds cool
Rafferty, Dann: ee
Rafferty, Dann: I added my other 2 tattoos to my alnum on FB
Kraft, Adam: they have alnums on facebook now?
Rafferty, Dann: umm...since forever.
Rafferty, Dann: Grandpa.
Kraft, Adam: lol
Kraft, Adam: i need a new job
Rafferty, Dann: yeah yeah
Rafferty, Dann: we know alrwady
Rafferty, Dann: me too
Rafferty, Dann: we say this every night.
Rafferty, Dann: How about stripper?
Rafferty, Dann: The Vu is always looking.
Kraft, Adam: alrwady huh i like when your tired because you misspell things like i do when i'm not tired
Kraft, Adam: hahahah
Kraft, Adam: u up?
Rafferty, Dann: huh?
Rafferty, Dann: oh
Rafferty, Dann: uh huh
Kraft, Adam: lol
Rafferty, Dann: alrwady....hahahaha
Rafferty, Dann: sounds like a name.
Rafferty, Dann: Alfred R. Wady
Rafferty, Dann: I have never been this fucking tired.
Rafferty, Dann: exhausted.
Rafferty, Dann: POOPED.
Kraft, Adam: 1 hour of sleep will do that to you
Rafferty, Dann: yup
Rafferty, Dann: I can't think straight up here.,
Rafferty, Dann: hope I don't have a ____________
Rafferty, Dann: not gonna say it
Kraft, Adam: yea
Rafferty, Dann: AAAARRRGGGHH!H!HH!!!!! TIRED!!!!!!
Kraft, Adam: go home sick
Rafferty, Dann: can't
Rafferty, Dann: already on the boss' shit list
Rafferty, Dann: notice the awesome grammar there.
Rafferty, Dann: and sweet usage of the apostrophe.
Kraft, Adam: lol
Kraft, Adam: y you on the boss' list
Rafferty, Dann: cuz I called in a lot when I started having marriage issues. Called off almost an entire week.
Rafferty, Dann: couldn't focus.
Rafferty, Dann: kept leaving
Rafferty, Dann: shit like that\
Rafferty, Dann: but dude...understandable.
Kraft, Adam: yea
Rafferty, Dann: I was freaking out.
Kraft, Adam: did she say anything to you
Rafferty, Dann: Bethany?
Rafferty, Dann: I had "the talk".
Rafferty, Dann: but it was okay, cuz my dad gave me the same talk when I was 12.
Rafferty, Dann: hahahahahahahahahahahahahgivemeyourmoneyhahahahahaha
Kraft, Adam: the talk
Kraft, Adam: lol
Rafferty, Dann: hahahahahahahahamakemeacheesecakehahahahahhaa
Rafferty, Dann: hahahahahhaIneedtofuckingsleepgoddamitallhahahahah
Kraft, Adam: your loosing it
Rafferty, Dann: yup
Kraft, Adam: if maria never said anything who cares lol
Rafferty, Dann: meh
Rafferty, Dann: im too tired to y typ[e
Rafferty, Dann: i ahate typing when im tired aor exhausted. m6y fingers wont mvoe coreevtkly.
Kraft, Adam: lol
Rafferty, Dann: wehat flooooooor you on?
Kraft, Adam: 7
Kraft, Adam: mott
Rafferty, Dann: im sitting here playing with the chime that rings when you hiot enter without typoing anything
Kraft, Adam: lol i don't know how you do it
Kraft, Adam: i would be on my way home right now
Rafferty, Dann: I';m making upo a song
Kraft, Adam: or drinking an energy drink
Rafferty, Dann: MONSTER!
Rafferty, Dann: hospital dont have zem sir!
Rafferty, Dann: ZEEG HEIL!
Rafferty, Dann: Mein herring!
Rafferty, Dann: fishy pants Mcgee!
Rafferty, Dann: smell like turpentine and poopy pants!
Kraft, Adam: they sell full throttle in the machines
Rafferty, Dann: me eat snow
Rafferty, Dann: me hit head, go ow.
Rafferty, Dann: head spinn likee horsey in windschtorm
Rafferty, Dann: go wheee!
Rafferty, Dann: words sbluurrring togehhher
Rafferty, Dann: iom gonna try ana dtypew "sleep" without looking.
Rafferty, Dann: s;eep
Rafferty, Dann: sleerpp
Rafferty, Dann: sleep
Rafferty, Dann: yay!
Kraft, Adam: your nuts
Rafferty, Dann: 3 tries
Rafferty, Dann: YOU'RE nuts!
Rafferty, Dann: MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA!!!!!!
Rafferty, Dann: ]unless you mewan my perschunul schtash
Kraft, Adam: lol

But I Jest.

(A conversation over IM with my friend Adam, another clerk at U of M)


Kraft, Adam: do you know how to enlarge on the new fax machines?
Rafferty, Dann: sorry, I was on the phone
Rafferty, Dann: no, I know very little about the new fax machines
Kraft, Adam: me either
Rafferty, Dann: you mean "neither".
Rafferty, Dann: the 2 vowels together are redundant.
Kraft, Adam: i hate you
Kraft, Adam: lol
Rafferty, Dann: the same reason you say "nor"
Rafferty, Dann: it's so you don't say neither me or ___________
Kraft, Adam: this isn't the 6th century people don't say nor any more
Rafferty, Dann: what?
Rafferty, Dann: it's proper english
Rafferty, Dann: people don't say "thee" or "forsooth" anymore.
Kraft, Adam: yea
Kraft, Adam: did you read that in a book
Rafferty, Dann: Prithee, Adam, wherefor dost thou think mine words be not of thy refinement? Dost thou find me elocutionary?
Rafferty, Dann: Fret not.
Kraft, Adam: are you hitting on me? hahaha
Rafferty, Dann: Neither me NOR my brethren findeth this amusing.
Rafferty, Dann: A DUEL IT IS!
Rafferty, Dann:
Kraft, Adam: youve read to much shakespere
Rafferty, Dann: Nay.
Rafferty, Dann: Thy feet do stinketh. And thy mother dresses thee
like a KNAVE!
Rafferty, Dann: KNAVE!
Kraft, Adam: do you go to the renassance (sp) festival
Rafferty, Dann: renaissance
Rafferty, Dann: you were closeth!
Rafferty, Dann: and no
Rafferty, Dann: I went once, and found it trite.
Kraft, Adam: your trite
Rafferty, Dann: ahem....
Kraft, Adam: you are quite right
Rafferty, Dann: "YOU'RE trite".
Rafferty, Dann: unless you think this "trite" to be a noun. Something of value. A weapon, maybe? Precious stones? Spanish Dabloons?!
Kraft, Adam: your scrabbles are up
Rafferty, Dann: I know....it's YOUR turn.

"Seinfeld" Sucked, And I'm Glad It's Over.

SEINFELD IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE FUNNY:

Scene 1: Something normal happens.

Scene 2: George overreacts about what happened in Scene One.

Scene 3: Kramer shows up to say something crazy
like "Squirrels have eaten my socks!".

Scene 4: Jerry tells George to calm down.

END OF SHOW

I Officially Don't Make Sense

This was a recent conversation between Serpa and I that occurred when I changed my Facebook status. Note the lack of any point.
---------------
Dann just realized that being vegan means he definitely would NOT eat green eggs and ham. 8:26pm

Sarah Ann Douglas likes this comment.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
Not even in a box. But I definitely would like a fox.I cannot eat them in a house, but I would take a cute, pet mouse.

Megan Serpa
mice are evil.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
Says the person who kills them. I'd bite you, too.

Megan Serpa
you dont have to try to kill them. theyre still evil, even if youre nice to them. and may i remind you that i no longer kill anything since i got PFIRED! also, ever heard of hantavirus? yeah...you get that from MICE!!

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
You know what ELSE YOU GET?CUDDLY, WUDDLY FACES AND CUTENESS!

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
AND ADORABLE LITTLE FEET!

Megan Serpa
oh yeah, and a couple of big ass fangs up in your hand and HANTAVIRUS!!!!!! that shit kills. fyi. just throwing it out there.

Megan Serpa
nay nay - please feel free to pick up a mouse and cuddle it. Ill be standing there with a camera to watch your hand get chomped on.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
You have issues....and you probably hide them under your mattress.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
I suppose you don't like rats either, since they caused the plague, some, you know, 500 years ago.

Megan Serpa
only the ones with your mom on the cover! OH BURNT!!! I ♥ your mom jokes. lol, also unrelated, but you know what i thought of today? Miss Asia!! Remember her?

Megan Serpa
I love rats. dont question my affection for rats or Ill cut you, lol. only the mice are evil.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
So, the bigger, more-prevalent disease carriers are the evil ones. Hmmm...interesting.Remember the old palindrome: "EVIL RATS ON NO STAR LIVE"

Megan Serpa
wtf? the first half of that last comment made no sense what so ever, and greater than 33% of the mouse population in new england tests positive for hanta antibodies! so ok rats USED to carry the plague. Mice CURRENTLY carry a lethal virus that is transmitted by feces particulate! Are you ignoring my Miss Asia comment?

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
Ms. Asia reply: Hah....ha...she wore too much make-up.
Mice continuation: If I may quote the Great Gatsby here, "Daisy went outside to retrieve her mail".

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
....and humans carry deadly bacteria in their poop.What's the point, here?

Megan Serpa
you dont inhale human poop.

Megan Serpa
generally.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
Says who?

Megan Serpa
ummmm...human fecal bacteria is generally spread by contact to exposed areas (like when stupid little kids stick their poopy hands in their eyes and mouth). If you have a mouse problem in your basement, their dessicated shit becomes particulate which you then inhale, develop hanta, and DIE.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
I eat my poop all the time. CASE CLOSED.

Megan Serpa
haha. and once again, thank you for proving my point. you ingest your poop; you dont dry it out and then smoke it in a pipe. inhalation does not equal ingestion. FAIL!!!

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
Oh, don't get me wrong. I totally smoke my poo as well. It makes some good Doobage.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
See if you like my new slogan: "Poo-smoke. Like apple pie except with poop, and not so many apples."

Megan Serpa
LOL. oh, i love you. I bet Joy loves making out with you after you've been smoking your poo. Sexy time!

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
Random golf joke: Your mom likes it in the rough.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
Is that why you're bitter and unhappy? because you're afraid of cute things and are unable to love...and therefore, by proxy, dead inside?

Megan Serpa
your FACE likes it in the rough. Did you watch "im on a boat?"

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
...cuz mice love you.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
Not yet...I'm at work.

Megan Serpa
you suck, and the mice hate you too.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
...and you used the word "particulates". Stop watching "Bones".

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
She didn't accept the invite yet. I think she's afraid.

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
Hey...You vanished. Did I win?

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
THE DAY IS MINE!

Megan Serpa
she disappeared - Nicole is fearless of nothing, save clingy men and bible thumpers (particularly if they are one in the same). and, btw, i know what particulate means because I received a 5th grade edumacation, thank you very much. :D

Dann Gelbe Abnäher Rafferty
I love it when you talk Ebonics to me.

Jesus Christ...I mean...shit.

With Sarah's birthday come and gone, and another one on the way for me, I've been thinking a lot lately about how time has begun whizzing by like one of those damn bees who buzzes by you really fast, then you think its gone and it buzzes back, and you're there swinging your arms around looking like a kid being attacked by Fire Ants.

But I digress.

I remember graduating from high school like it was yesterday. It was NINE FRIGGIN' YEARS AGO!

Now granted, I don't remember all of my high school years:


This picture, for example, I have no recollection of being taken. Despite the fact that my double chin is invading the western hemisphere, I have quite the baby face. Apparently it was taken on a trip to see The Phantom of the Opera.


This one was taken just before a performance of An Evening at the Ritz Ballroom, which was a mime performance we put on with a little help from Michael Lee and the Opus Mime Company. While many of us would love to forget that memory, I must admit it made me realize how much acting is about facial and bodily expression, and not just memorizing your lines and trying to pronounce the word "oilier" (nod to Serpa).

So much has changed since high school. And yet, so many things haven't. Which is I think the problem, really. I know that as my birthday rolls around, my deathly fear of turning 30 (pipe down) is mostly due to the fact that I feel like I should've been crazy successful by now. I don't remember the entirety of my 20's, but intricately remember individual years: Earning my first lead role on my 20th, getting drunk at Theo's for my 21st, falling in love in my 23rd, moving out in my 24th, getting married in my 25th...

I guess my point is that I never really noticed how accurately put the cheesy phrase "Life is composed of a series of moments" really is. You recall something here, something there, and the rest is all wallpaper.


Now, as I begin my 27th year, I'll have to focus on my Peter Ustinov impression:

Every Time Eric Eats a Banana...

Another Classic Rafferwoodism.

Always reminds me of Sarah.

Being Lonely Sucks Balls.

Today is officially the sixth day I have been Joyless, as she has been shanghaied by my mothra and sistren to the Great Unknown (Carnival Cruises).

Needless to say, I am going out of my mind.

Not with worry anymore, but more with generalized anxiety. Loneliness, and moreover, getting some stupid chest pain transforming into something hideously winged.

I spent the entire first 3 days (off from work) playing video games, eating pizza and Oreos, and sleeping. It was fun for about a day. Then it got old and smelly. It has since moved onto the phase one would normally reference in a "dead baby" joke.


I'm now sleeping 3 hours a night. I'm exhausted but can't get to sleep. Although I hate, HATE sleeping with the light on, I can't fall asleep without a light on when Joy isn't there. She usually fights off the monsters.

Also, I cancelled a poker party I arranged a week earlier...ten minutes after confirming the time on that day with everyone. Why?

Well, as we all know, I tell the jokes.

Joy has the personality, and I tell the jokes. I had this enormous feeling that I couldn't be both for that 2 hours. Plus, the house was a wreck, and I felt I could only muster enough energy from my lethargic slump to clean it once for Joy before she got home.

Yeah, I guess it's selfish, but whatever.
I want my wife back, dammit!

Joy! Come home!

The Little Giant Vacuum Cleaner

...from Walla Walla, Washington.

Make sure you turn off the annotations (bottom right menu button, then click the top option).

"Cannibals!"

Looking Back...

As was the case when I saw some old He-Man cartoons on YouTube...I once again wonder how I thought this was "awesome" (like a hot dog).

Nostalgic, yes. Awesome, nay.
The guy is a little too happy with his waxy chest.

Stein Um Stein

This is another great Rammstein song. This is not the video, but more a follow-along translation. The song is kind of dark in nature, but the last chorus (i.e. the last minute or so) is fantastic...it gets stuck in your head and sound really cool.

You all think I'm crazy.
But it's not I who am crazy...it is I who am MAD!