Wednesday, September 30, 2009

It's Happening.


Well, as most people are probably aware of, Joy and I are getting divorced. This is not something I take lightly...as a matter of fact, I fought it for a long time. I won't go into the details as those are not only personal, but also quite inconsequential at this point. This is happening. The ball is rolling. The papers are filed.

I realize now that although you may think you've planned something down to the last minute detail, life can still throw you a curve ball. No matter how hard it hits you, at some point you have to get back on your feet and keep playing the game. Pardon the horrible analogy, but it's true.

In the beginning, I was a wreck. I felt betrayed, unloved, lied to, and most of all...abandoned. It was not uncommon to see me crumbled up on my floor screaming my face off. Although I was now living alone, I slept on the couch for 3 months. When I slept at all.

I know now that I have to move on. It's been a long 7 months. I stopped fighting it awhile ago, and just decided to sit back and watch what happened...but that doesn't work either. I'd just be lying there in the dirt.

But little by little, you start reading, reflecting, and realizing that you can't project those feelings you have on the entire world. It wasn't the world that shit on you. This is part of life. You have to learn to trust yourself, trust others, and continue the life you wanted to have for yourself...and even with another person. Which as we all know is very important to me. Many divorced friends tell me they never want to be married again. I do. Very much so. But this time I will do it right. I will approach it with the same confidence I have in myself (now more than ever) and make sure I don't fall in the same holes.

Filling out the rest of the paperwork actually gave me a slight feeling of release. Release from 7 months of tension and hurt. Now I have to learn to leave it where it is. That weight is no longer mine to carry. I need to be reading to lift up and support a new life. One that will support me when I need it to. I've spent too much time feeling alone and bleeding to death in the street. It's a horrifying feeling. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Thank you for listening.

1 comment:

Kathy W said...

Best of luck to you, Dann!