"I Need a Larger IV for My Coffee", and Other Great Hits

The time has come to admit my addiction.

To coffee? Well yes, that too---but I meant my caffeine addiction.

I know, I know. Almost everyone says "Oh, god I need caffeine", or "I'm gonna need some pop to keep me awake". Everyone says stuff like that. Unfortunately, it runs a bit deep than that with me.

I used to drink pop all the time. Diet Pepsi at least. But regardless, it was all the time. Now, this went on for awhile, and I had time when I weaned myself off to water (for the marathon, mostly), then had a little bit of pop at a restaurant, then I jumped right back on the wagon.

Now those who know me well enough know that I get headaches. Like...every 20 minutes. All day long. I've had them since I was about 15 years old, and no amount of sleep, exercise, weight loss, stress-management or even relaxation will fix it. Ibuprofen works sometimes, but would prefer not to entrust my eternal well-being to a pill. At least, not for another 50 years or so.

However, when I don't have caffeine, I get really bad headaches. Worse than my day-to-day ones. I feel very irritable and achy, and then I get coffee to fix it. Usually, that works, too.

I've since practically given up pop. I've only had it twice in the last month that I can recall, but my dependence on coffee has nearly tripled.

I've been trying to decaf myself over that last week or so, but it's not working very well.

You know how Sarah says that Low-fat Oreos are not the same as the original? That they don't taste the same? I never really knew what she meant, but now I do. Decaf just doesn't have the same flavor or richness. I think that's it. It seems thinner, and doesn't coat your mouth the same way. I'm sure I'm imagining this.
But what do we do?

Pop has too much sugar, as well as other horrific chemicals.
Juice has way too much sugar, and it's mostly empty calories.
I drink soy milk, but you can't have 17 glasses a day.

Just drink only water? I mean, yeah, it's good for you....but you need variety. Otherwise it's like a dog who eats the same food, day after day. I mean, my dog eats the same food everyday, and then he whines all day. Is he whining because he wants to play? I thought so. Maybe he's whining because he wants a pizza, an orange, or a simple helping of "Anything but that brown, crunchy shit."

I don't know. I'm trying.
Now I know how crackheads feel.