"Beyond Bohley"

I haven't spoken to Brian in a long time. We caught each other on Google chat today, and hilarity ensued. Oh, Brian. If only we had had time for a Penguin Girl story.
(Please pardon the punctuation. Google-chat is not very Ctrl-V friendly).

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me: you there?

Brian: yeah

me: coo coo
so how do you weigh so much?

Brian: I'm fat

me: I've got a small gut.that's where I store my victims, though

Brian: its all in my ass and gutmostly ass. Legs are big too, upper body is still thin so its misleading

me: fat legs, or muscle?Are you in your "gain weight, lose weight" phase?

Brian: yeah I gain/lose 10lbs all of the time

me: I'm just tryignt o not gain any back over the winter, until I can run more regularly. Running was all I ever did, except for a stint 2 years ago when I had a gym mebership. I was at my lowest of 190 then.winter sucks for exercise,
imo.imo = in my opinion. Gamer talk, sorry.

Sent at 9:24 PM on Tuesday

me: uh oh...did you have a heart attack? 'cuz I'm on a cardiac floor if you need assistance.
Tip 1: Don't die.
Tip 2: don't panic.

Brian: I think Im good, thanks

me: Tip 3: If you DO panic, at least you're still alive, efficiently accomplishing Tip one.
oh, there you are.you busy or something?

Brian: never too busy for my smuthers bro

me: awww...How's Nina?

Brian: she is stressed

me: why? She marrying you yet? LOL

Brian: ha

me: just kidding

Brian: that would make her so happybut sadly no

me: I know. So do it.

Brian: Im not a big fan of marriage

me: why?my parents divorced, and my dad's gay...I still like marriage.

Brian: too much legality to worry about

me: only if you think she's gonna cheat on you and steal your gazillions.that's where the "trust" part comes into it.

Brian: I like the common law routeI might stick with that

me: BOO!

Brian: you just want others to suffer
but you are alone on this my friendhow's joy?

me: alone...me?Joy was stressed yesterday. Had craploads of homework and finals. Done today though.
actually, it was more than craploads.
I think it qualified as a "shit ton".

Brian: yeah, nina always has a shit ton

me: is Nina coming with you in December?

Brian: no, she'll be in virginia

me: good god, why?on purpose?thats like going to Jersey!

Brian: her bro is stationed there in the navy so the whole family is meeting down there. I have to work both the day before and after christmas

me: The navy?

Brian: so Im stuck here

me: So he's a Seame----I can't say it

Brian: one of many

me: haha so what day you coming down? Let me put it this way...when are you available?

Brian: wellI might come home the weekend after christmas tooso it depends when I have xmas with my family

me: like...the 2 days after? Xmas is a Thursday, so...right after that?

Brian: yeah also, my car might be getting worked on the first weekendso I might not have a car

me: WHOA!

Brian: Jake is flying into chicago from alaska on friday the 20th

me: Look at Mr. High-Maintenance!

Brian: then we will be driving to Michigan either the 20th at night or early on the 21st

me: So...you'll get back to me, yes?

Brian: si

me: si si. So, how are things aside from that? I haven't talked to you in about 10 fortnights.

Brian: things are good...got a raise at work

me: sweet

Brian: after getting a promotion without pay

me: that's balls. So more responsibility without incentive.

Brian: yeah, but Im takin that place by storm

me: Oh christ, lol....don't use that phrase.

Brian: I handle "special projects"

me: Ahh...drug deals.

Brian: if you mean I need to take them to deal with the job yes, drug deals

me: I like to find new friends at the hospital by jokingly telling them I go to the
Childrens' Hospital to sell drugs to little kids....some people don't laugh. Which is ironic, since I joked about drugs all the time at my last job with the guy I worked with...and I just found out 3 months ago that he was arrested for dealing. That must've been why he got so mad when I would yell "Random drug tests!" at work.

Brian: nice

me: ...but I thought it was funny.

Brian: he mustve went postal

me: hahah....ha...ha old joke

Brian: or was this not at the post office?

me: no, post office.

Brian: so hows your job goin?get any nice raises?how about school?

me: Haha...you're funny. No, I don't get raises, just more work.
School is fine, but I'm getting nervous about applying to nursing school.
but they upped the entrants to 112 from 80 this year.so...score.

Brian: why so nervous?not do so well?

me: No....just always nervous about new shit.I hate feeling like the new kid.

Brian: ahh

me: People always steal my lunch money. Then I can't get the "Double Cheezeburger with fries and a fruit cup with a chocolate milk"...or those nasty cheese stick thingies. blech

Brian: I like bein the new kid. I get sick of people too easily

me: Hey, you remember when we were 12 and we were playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and you threw that plastic sai at me and it stuck straight in the hanging clothes next to my head?

Brian: of course

me: Good times.

Brian: that was like my most crowning achievement growing upI mustve told everyone I knew at the timethey never seemed to match my enthusiasm

me: Nah...you were champion of that big raft-thing in your pool.

Brian: just had to be there

me: ...but only because I couldn't swim.

Brian: yeah that helped

me: Made you popular.

Brian: I didnt need that to be popular with a nickname like bohldogg

me: Oh yeah...that's what did it. So...how is "Beyond Bohley" coming along?

Brian: Meh.

me: I'm gonna write it if you don't. It's your epic.

Brian: beyond bohley is before beginning

me: meh?

Brian: anyway, you and joy should come here, this location is far more desirable

me: Oh sure. I love the cold and getting mugged by architects.

Brian: better than being cold and mugged by.....anyone, which is what you suffer from. how much is gas over there?

me: About 1.79 right now, give or take a first-born.

Brian: nice. yeah it's the lowest its been in awhile, 2.04 here I filled up for under 30 bucks, it was amazing

me: I've developed a theory...which is quickly being proven.

Brian: What's that?

me: Take a good look when you buy gas...the lowest price (regular) is always blacked out with no light...but it always works.They expect you to press the first lit buttonI've tried this at many gas stations...all the same.

Brian: I know a lot of gas stations have it go right to leftso the first on the left is premiumbut I havent noticed the blacked outness

me: I've never seen the reversed order.muy interesante.

Sent at 10:08 PM on Tuesday

me: Did you die again?

Brian: sorry, had to just cycle the laundry

me: You never pay attention to my needs, Brian! I have FEELINGS!

Brian: what I think is dumb is all the people that pay with cash to save fucking 30 cents

me: yup. we don't really have that though. I've seen a few, but not many.

Brian: its like....hello....pay that for the convenience...or the people that drive out of the way to save a couple cents

me: People are always trying to spend 20 minutes (dollars) to save 5 (cents). There are always people here at work that SIT in the parking lot in their car waiting 15 minutes for someone to leave the ground floor spots, when there are empties 10 feet away.They burn more gas, and waste twice as much time. So stupid, it's almost funny.

Brian: almost. you laugh because there's no expression suitable

me: It's like mall parking lot stalkers during Christmas.

Brian: its just a nervous reaction

me: I, for one, don't find a slight walk.

Brian: yeah I like to pretend to get into someone else's carand then sprint over to mine real quick

me: but some people are destined for those Meijer electric carts.

Brian: so someone else gets the spot

me: I just get into mine, but then sit there reading a book or something until a line forms and they honk the dude into shame.

Brian: oooh nice. I've never read a book, just sat there wasting my time.

me: however, a few times the idiot has been dumb enough to get out of his car, go around to my window, and knock on it and ask if I'm leaving soon. I want to roll down the window and say "Here's your sign".

Brian: well I need to get goin...this is nina's last night here before she goes to boston for thanksgiving

me: better yet!

Brian: so I need to go spend some "quality" time with her

me: Sit in your car and act like you're cranking one off. He won't come to your window then.

Brian: I'd much rather pretend I'm cranking one off in a diner in front of the waitress.

me: By the way, this conversation is totally going on my blog. kainrafferty.blogspot.com
You'll be (more) famous!

Brian: what? so I can waste my time even more by reading this shit? I feel bad for your fans

me: nah, just print it out and read it in your car...while waiting for the line to queue up.

Brian: well they wont be yours for long, they will be asking for my blog soon enough

me: True...what is the link? BeyondBohley.com???

Brian: its been a long time. I haven't written in it for awhile and I was a whiny little bitch while I was dating Jenny.

me: Awww.
You need a hug.

Sent at 10:23 PM on Tuesday

And......you died again.
Is this goodbye?
Farewell?
Auf Wiedersehen?
Zum Girlfrenden lieven mich?
ACHTUNG!

Sent at 10:25 PM on Tuesday

Brian: adios