Why I'm Always So Angry

Am I really as bad as people say I am?

Am I really as judgmental, selfish and rude as they think?

I have been really angry, tense, and moreover depressed over the last few weeks or so...but it has finally hit the apex. I've wigged out, broken down, and refused to talk about it, which is very tough for me to do.

Apparently, I judge people all the time. Constantly. Like, innately...without even trying.
That's some feat.

This has nothing to do with religion. I know this blog is mostly only read by Sarah and Joy, but if certain people get wind of it. Know this. God still doesn't exist. So don't patronize me.

on that note...

I am always hearing about how I'm judging someone, being rude, being insensitive, or not caring.
I'm pretty much fucking sick of it.

I HATE MYSELF.

I HATE WHO I AM,
I HATE WHAT I DO, and most importantly,
I FUCKING HATE WHAT I SAY.

Everything that comes out of my mouth is full of half-witted, supposed shit, much of which I exaggerate right before I say it, just to make it sound worse in my favor. I say things incorrectly, make words up, use words incorrectly, and then turn them into something that wouldn't even sound like english.

What else?

I HATE MY MEMORY.

My speech would probably improve exponentially if I could member what day it fucking was half the time. Whenever I have a point to make to someone, I stop halfway through because I don't remember what my point was. Meanwhile, the other person is (once again) heaving a huge sigh, wondering what the fuck I'm getting at, and why I haven't had the decency to shut the fuck up yet.

I HATE MY LIFE.

I hate the fact that I'm living day-to-day, suffering through a mindless job full of hypocritical assholes who don't give a shit about anything but themselves, trying to do my job while being constantly harrassed all day, and then getting told that I'm lazy.

I hate coming home to find out that all I do is say ridiculous shit that makes my wife and family members think I'm an asshole, or that I have preconceived notions about people that aren't true. I'm sick of being the kid that no one wants to listen to. The one they just point at the corner and let him talk to the wallpaper. Because no matter what, he didn't have anything important to say in the first place.

I feel like no one takes me seriously.
I feel like no one appreciates me, which is well-founded if this is really how I am.
I feel like I'm just an ugly, unattractive troll who is good for a laugh if he can't get out a coherent sentence without creating new words or repeating himself for four hours.

I'm just sick of being me.
I think you all are, too.

A Great Atheist Response on YouTube

There was a great response to the atheist clip I posted earlier. The guy is just a normal person who responded to the clip, and spoke of his own opinions and experiences...I found it fantastic. He includes many things that people just gloss over.

Shit that makes me cry

I don't care who you are or what you believe....watch this video. It makes me SOOOOOOOOOOO fucking angry.

Atheist Video on YouTube

So while randomly surfing YouTube for interesting things to see, I ran across a great video on Atheists that I want everyone to see. I'm sure people will have things to say, but I don't really care.

Also, Joy found an interesting video the other day about abortion protestors, who seemingly enough, don't have a punishment for what they see as the worst crime of our time.


...and I'm sure someone will pray for us for posting them.

In Which I Have a Nervous Breakdown

So, it's been about 2 months since I last posted something. I guess today would be the event that sparks some creativity into my judgmental, overly-sensitive, selfish bones.

I'm so mad right now that I just really need to explode. Let it all out.

Some people don't deserve it, others do. I can't tell which is which because at the moment I feel like I'm throwing fire at everyone I talk to...if I talk at all.

Sarah and I ran 11 miles today. I refused to even speak for a good hour of it because 5 minutes into the run, she incinuated that I was being judgmental. Not only that, but said that that's "What you do".

So, Judgy McJudgerton called out the competition.


Then I get to my mom's house, where Dad once again tells me to buy him something when I go walking with Mom. When he assumes things like that, I usually try to treat it as the child saying "I WANT CANDY!"

No questions, no asking, no simple request even....just "I'll take a Diet Mountain Dew".

Then, upon returning, puts a cardboard box in my hand and asks me how much postage it needs to mail.
Now, since I passed on the offer to have a portable cash register, scale, and rate chart built into my hand, he was a little out of luck.

Then, he asked me if one stamp would do it, which made me wig out.

"One stamp?!"

"Yeah."

"One stamp is 41 cents. That signature request you have on it is 1.70 by itself."

"You guys charge for that?"

(rolling my eyes, giving the "duh" look) "Ummm...YEAH!"


In Dad's defense, I was already angry to begin with, so he was probably doomed from the start.

Lately, I've been having this feeling that no one ever lets me just DO SOMETHING.
There is always something wrong with:
how I'm doing it,
I wasn't supposed to do it,
I didn't do it quickly enough,
you can't wear blue on a Tuesday,
no one likes your clothes,
you're judgmental,
you need to ___________ more often,
don't forget to ________,
"Why would you do that?"
"Well, why don't you ________ instead?"

I may sound harsh....but is it wrong of me to once in awhile, want everyone to just LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?!

Because I don't care what you people think of me. Just let me live the way I want to, and if I do something wrong, I can learn from my own mistakes. That way, I will at least be controlling my OWN existence, instead of everyone else living it for me.