Saturday, April 25, 2009

It's Apparently Hard to Tell a Joke...

Rafferty, Dann: Let's play a game.
Rafferty, Dann: One of us comes up with the first line for a joke, then the other one has to finish with a punch line.
Kraft, Adam: ok i got one
Kraft, Adam: do you like fishsticks?
Rafferty, Dann: hmmm....
Kraft, Adam: say yes
Rafferty, Dann: yes
Rafferty, Dann: I know where this is going
Kraft, Adam: where is it going
Rafferty, Dann: continue
Rafferty, Dann: finish your joke
Kraft, Adam: i implore you enlighten me
Rafferty, Dann: cuz I've got one now
Kraft, Adam: ok do yours
Kraft, Adam: you know mine
Rafferty, Dann: what about the punchline of yours?
Rafferty, Dann: gotta finish it now.
Kraft, Adam: fine
Kraft, Adam: what are you a gay fish
Rafferty, Dann: oh jesus.
Rafferty, Dann: lame
Rafferty, Dann: ok, here goes.
Rafferty, Dann: Your grandma is so fat...
Rafferty, Dann: (your cue)
Kraft, Adam: that mountain dew had to change their name cuz she took up so much room .
Rafferty, Dann: what?
Rafferty, Dann: no, that's not your cue, stupid!
Rafferty, Dann: althought I am audibly laughing at my desk.
Rafferty, Dann: Your grandma is sooooooo fat...
Rafferty, Dann: (ahem)
Kraft, Adam: are you making fun of me now? i don't get it
Rafferty, Dann: oh good god
Rafferty, Dann: You're supposed to say "How fat IS she?"
Rafferty, Dann: let's try this again.
Rafferty, Dann: "Your grandmother is SO fat..."
Kraft, Adam: what do you want me to say?
Rafferty, Dann: SEE ABOVE, GENIUS.
Kraft, Adam: how fat IS he?
Rafferty, Dann: she
Rafferty, Dann: not he.
Kraft, Adam: i know i just wanted to frazzle you
Rafferty, Dann: unless she has problems.
Rafferty, Dann: Your grandmother is soooooo fat...
Rafferty, Dann: That when the Lift Team came to use the Hoyer lift on her, it snapped in three pieces, flying shrapnel everywhere and hit the tech in the leg and he died of tetanus.
Rafferty, Dann: ...your turn.
Kraft, Adam: i thought we were making jokes
Rafferty, Dann: it was.
Kraft, Adam: no
Kraft, Adam: i think you took that from an ER episode
Rafferty, Dann: what?
Rafferty, Dann: I don't watch ER
Kraft, Adam: lol
Rafferty, Dann: only gay fish watch ER.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Next Time, Seven More.

Another work conversation with Adam. I had ONE HOUR of sleep and taken 2 exams that day:

------------------------------------------

Rafferty, Dann: ONE HOUR OF SLEEP! WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Kraft, Adam: steven adler stole my buddies wallet
Rafferty, Dann: huh?
Kraft, Adam: the original drummer for guns and roses
Kraft, Adam: he was on celebrity rehab lol
Rafferty, Dann: haha
Kraft, Adam: your going to fall asleep at your desk
Rafferty, Dann: almost did once already
Kraft, Adam: lol better get some coffee
Kraft, Adam: you have tommorrow off?
Rafferty, Dann: yeah...already had some
Kraft, Adam: do you work friday
Rafferty, Dann: yeah, fri-sun
Kraft, Adam: you want to become a bounty hunter with me
Rafferty, Dann: one sec
Rafferty, Dann: how so?
Kraft, Adam: we prolly have to take a lil class then you get your license to bounty hunt
Rafferty, Dann: coo
Kraft, Adam: u down
Rafferty, Dann: yeah...who I gotz ta kill, boss?
Kraft, Adam: its not like that
Rafferty, Dann: shucks
Kraft, Adam: i'm gunna be like dog the bounty hunter but better
Rafferty, Dann: complete with trailer-trash theme?
Kraft, Adam: of course
Kraft, Adam: i think mine will be a montage of me spraying assorted animals and food products with mace
Rafferty, Dann: hahahahahahahahahahhahahaha
Rafferty, Dann: mace the Spam
Rafferty, Dann: and call it "Bra."
Kraft, Adam: lol
Kraft, Adam: oo
Kraft, Adam: and i like the classical music on my phone
Kraft, Adam: i don't know where it came from but it sounds cool
Rafferty, Dann: ee
Rafferty, Dann: I added my other 2 tattoos to my alnum on FB
Kraft, Adam: they have alnums on facebook now?
Rafferty, Dann: umm...since forever.
Rafferty, Dann: Grandpa.
Kraft, Adam: lol
Kraft, Adam: i need a new job
Rafferty, Dann: yeah yeah
Rafferty, Dann: we know alrwady
Rafferty, Dann: me too
Rafferty, Dann: we say this every night.
Rafferty, Dann: How about stripper?
Rafferty, Dann: The Vu is always looking.
Kraft, Adam: alrwady huh i like when your tired because you misspell things like i do when i'm not tired
Kraft, Adam: hahahah
Kraft, Adam: u up?
Rafferty, Dann: huh?
Rafferty, Dann: oh
Rafferty, Dann: uh huh
Kraft, Adam: lol
Rafferty, Dann: alrwady....hahahaha
Rafferty, Dann: sounds like a name.
Rafferty, Dann: Alfred R. Wady
Rafferty, Dann: I have never been this fucking tired.
Rafferty, Dann: exhausted.
Rafferty, Dann: POOPED.
Kraft, Adam: 1 hour of sleep will do that to you
Rafferty, Dann: yup
Rafferty, Dann: I can't think straight up here.,
Rafferty, Dann: hope I don't have a ____________
Rafferty, Dann: not gonna say it
Kraft, Adam: yea
Rafferty, Dann: AAAARRRGGGHH!H!HH!!!!! TIRED!!!!!!
Kraft, Adam: go home sick
Rafferty, Dann: can't
Rafferty, Dann: already on the boss' shit list
Rafferty, Dann: notice the awesome grammar there.
Rafferty, Dann: and sweet usage of the apostrophe.
Kraft, Adam: lol
Kraft, Adam: y you on the boss' list
Rafferty, Dann: cuz I called in a lot when I started having marriage issues. Called off almost an entire week.
Rafferty, Dann: couldn't focus.
Rafferty, Dann: kept leaving
Rafferty, Dann: shit like that\
Rafferty, Dann: but dude...understandable.
Kraft, Adam: yea
Rafferty, Dann: I was freaking out.
Kraft, Adam: did she say anything to you
Rafferty, Dann: Bethany?
Rafferty, Dann: I had "the talk".
Rafferty, Dann: but it was okay, cuz my dad gave me the same talk when I was 12.
Rafferty, Dann: hahahahahahahahahahahahahgivemeyourmoneyhahahahahaha
Kraft, Adam: the talk
Kraft, Adam: lol
Rafferty, Dann: hahahahahahahahamakemeacheesecakehahahahahhaa
Rafferty, Dann: hahahahahhaIneedtofuckingsleepgoddamitallhahahahah
Kraft, Adam: your loosing it
Rafferty, Dann: yup
Kraft, Adam: if maria never said anything who cares lol
Rafferty, Dann: meh
Rafferty, Dann: im too tired to y typ[e
Rafferty, Dann: i ahate typing when im tired aor exhausted. m6y fingers wont mvoe coreevtkly.
Kraft, Adam: lol
Rafferty, Dann: wehat flooooooor you on?
Kraft, Adam: 7
Kraft, Adam: mott
Rafferty, Dann: im sitting here playing with the chime that rings when you hiot enter without typoing anything
Kraft, Adam: lol i don't know how you do it
Kraft, Adam: i would be on my way home right now
Rafferty, Dann: I';m making upo a song
Kraft, Adam: or drinking an energy drink
Rafferty, Dann: MONSTER!
Rafferty, Dann: hospital dont have zem sir!
Rafferty, Dann: ZEEG HEIL!
Rafferty, Dann: Mein herring!
Rafferty, Dann: fishy pants Mcgee!
Rafferty, Dann: smell like turpentine and poopy pants!
Kraft, Adam: they sell full throttle in the machines
Rafferty, Dann: me eat snow
Rafferty, Dann: me hit head, go ow.
Rafferty, Dann: head spinn likee horsey in windschtorm
Rafferty, Dann: go wheee!
Rafferty, Dann: words sbluurrring togehhher
Rafferty, Dann: iom gonna try ana dtypew "sleep" without looking.
Rafferty, Dann: s;eep
Rafferty, Dann: sleerpp
Rafferty, Dann: sleep
Rafferty, Dann: yay!
Kraft, Adam: your nuts
Rafferty, Dann: 3 tries
Rafferty, Dann: YOU'RE nuts!
Rafferty, Dann: MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA!!!!!!
Rafferty, Dann: ]unless you mewan my perschunul schtash
Kraft, Adam: lol

Thursday, April 16, 2009

But I Jest.

(A conversation over IM with my friend Adam, another clerk at U of M)


Kraft, Adam: do you know how to enlarge on the new fax machines?
Rafferty, Dann: sorry, I was on the phone
Rafferty, Dann: no, I know very little about the new fax machines
Kraft, Adam: me either
Rafferty, Dann: you mean "neither".
Rafferty, Dann: the 2 vowels together are redundant
.
Kraft, Adam: i hate you
Kraft, Adam: lol
Rafferty, Dann: the same reason you say "nor"
Rafferty, Dann: it's so you don't say neither me or ___________
Kraft, Adam: this isn't the 6th century people don't say nor any more
Rafferty, Dann: what?
Rafferty, Dann: it's proper english
Rafferty, Dann: people don't say "thee" or "forsooth" anymore.
Kraft, Adam: yea
Kraft, Adam: did you read that in a book
Rafferty, Dann: Prithee, Adam, wherefor dost thou think mine words be not of thy refinement? Dost thou find me elocutionary?
Rafferty, Dann: Fret not.
Kraft, Adam: are you hitting on me? hahaha
Rafferty, Dann: Neither me NOR my brethren findeth this amusing.
Rafferty, Dann: A DUEL IT IS!
Rafferty, Dann:
Kraft, Adam: youve read to much shakespere
Rafferty, Dann: Nay.
Rafferty, Dann: Thy feet do stinketh. And thy mother dresses thee

like a KNAVE!
Rafferty, Dann: KNAVE!
Kraft, Adam: do you go to the renassance (sp) festival
Rafferty, Dann: renaissance
Rafferty, Dann: you were closeth!
Rafferty, Dann: and no
Rafferty, Dann: I went once, and found it trite.
Kraft, Adam: your trite
Rafferty, Dann: ahem....
Kraft, Adam: you are quite right
Rafferty, Dann: "YOU'RE trite".
Rafferty, Dann: unless you think this "trite" to be a noun. Something of value. A weapon, maybe? Precious stones? Spanish Dabloons?!
Kraft, Adam: your scrabbles are up
Rafferty, Dann: I know....it's YOUR turn.