Third blog in two days! On a roll!

I just keep posting all this stuff that I find on the web. It seems everytime you go back, there's something new and inspiring. Just today I found these new tidbits.

I love the internet. Some funny shit out there, I gotta tell you.

Ask a Silly Question...

So a friend of mine (liberal) emailed me at work, admittedly bored and looking for some fun. I asked what she wanted to talk about, and she replied:

"How about how McCain is going to protect our country and ban abortion?"

So I replied:

"That's easy...

First, you give tax cuts to the rich, which depletes the amount of public funding for schools and healthcare. This leaves an open opportunity for us to shake the moneytree in McCain's backyard which will easily provide enough cash to fund 100 more years in Iraq, and enough to enroll each lower-class family in the food stamp program (gotta help the little guy, you know).

Then, by teaching Creationism in schools, children will learn the valuable lesson of how Tyrannosaurus Rex was a vegetarian, and that he (among other supposed carnivores that god turned vegetarian while they were on Noah's Ark) had massively sharp teeth and claws in order to eat bamboo and open coconuts (this is actually taught at the Creation Museum). This will give American children the "earnest" guidance they need, and it will (with the power of Jesus) mentally SHOCK them out of being gay, which will magically cure AIDS, and then no one will ever again be tempted to have sex, except for when Jesus says so (even though he's been dead for over 2 millennia now), which requires a Flag car decal and an NRA membership. And with no children being "tempted" to have sex, abortion is eliminated.

Simple.

Next question?

I would also like to point out how HILARIOUS it is that "Creationism" is not recognized by the GroupWise dictionary."

I Loves Me a Third Bush Term

Wow. McCain chose a female running mate. This would seem surprising of a man who publicly called his wife "a c**t", but as we delve deeper, we notice that it's actually quite smart. He can try to sweep up the female voters who are still whining about Hillary's loss, and more importantly try to convince working families that he is more in touch with them (Palin being "a hockey mom", and such). I would think Palin would be more than a little upset at the fact that she was chosen as a running mate (as Joy nicely put it) "just because she has a uterus", since her measly 2 years as a governor (not even anything national) nicely prepares her for the most important part of her political career...being eaten alive by Joe Biden in the debates. Which I look forward to.

So far, the outspoken aspects of Palin seem to be continuations of the fears and prejudices that Republicans thrive on: Pro-life, "Oil companies love you love time", homophobia, and creationism in schools. Which is apparently soooooo important to people who don't have healthcare, can't feed their children, and are losing their homes. Religion is, once again, the trump card to determine whether or not you are suitable to balance a budget and keep families working. May I remind you that in Sweden, one of the most successful and prosperous nations in the world, is more than 85% atheist? Nothing to argue over, I guess.

How the rest of the world sees us:




Not to mention the fact that my main beef with McCain (which is more than a little ironic) is that he is blatantly more two-faced than John Kerry (supposedly) ever was. He (Kerry) was called a "flip-flopper" during the 2004 election season, due to the fact that he was openly opposing the war (Iraq and Vietnam) that he earlier approved. We will forget (conveniently) that there is a HUGE difference between someone who said "This seems like a good idea" and later says "Oops, my bad", than McCain and Bush...who have BOTH denied their original standings! "Oh...well...uhh...I never said that. I don't recall that." Bush fed the country that for 8 years and people loved it. Then nothing gets accomplished, and we call it...progress?

I'm so friggin' sick of all the damn lies! It literally makes my chest ache watching McCain rise in the ranks, when all throughout 2000 - 2006, EVERYTIME you saw McCain he was on someone else's side! He agrees with Bush, "Oh wait, I never said that", then the Democrats, "Oh wait, I never said that". Then he switches to whatever side he thinks will make him look good. It's fucking disgusting, and people love it.

Then, when he ends up keeling over in office, the presidency will be taken over by someone who knows JACK SHIT about leading! Did you even LISTEN to Obama's speech? He wants to make the country better! He's not concerned with that endless rhetoric of pointing fingers and telling you who to blame for everything! Republicans prey on your fears. And the sad thing is...it works every time.

The Vegan Zombie, and a Religious Poke.

I found this picture online, and I thought it was hilarious!
They called it "Tofu, the Vegan Zombie!"

"Grainssssss...."

I also have one more picture that I found, which I hesistated to show at first, so I compromised with myself. I made a LINK for it, instead of posting it. That way, any hatemail I receive is unjustified.

If you hold any disapproval for the things I normally post (tough noogies), then DO NOT CLICK THE BOTTOM LINK. It's not one of those stupid "Loud scream and a huge picture of the exorcist things" (I hate those). However it IS, I must admit, a little gross...and it requires a great deal more....ummm...non-uptightness.

Here it is. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Whatever. I found it hilarious.

You came to my blog, and you chose to click the link. Simple as that.

Out of the F@&$# Blue

So I started reading "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins not too long ago, and I just can't put it down. Richard Dawkins says everything I've always wanted to say, but in a much more eloquent (A.K.A. "British and intelligent") way.

Among his many qualities, Dawkins is extremely quotable. He puts things so well, and at the same offering the nice little---

2 Hours Later...

While writing this, a loud, piercing sound suddenly cuts through the air.
I glanced to the callbox, where I instantly notice
it reading the dread phrase: "UH CODE BLUE".

Instinctively, I begin shouting the room number in all directions.

The on-call PA, stepping outside her office at the ringing...pops her eyes and screams "Oh, shit!", bolting toward the patient's room.

I call 911, stamp blood gas forms for the doctor, and frantically call Rapid Response. My repetitive screaming is monotonous now, as every nurse in my section is flying to that room.

10 minutes later, the doctor calls it.

Half the nurses on my floor explode into tears.
Having never been in this situation, I find myself a little speechless as well.

I normally wouldn't write about this, especially since the situation has nothing to do with my original post. Except it does.

This patient was in good condition, had no issues that the nurse said he voiced (she was bawling afterward, saying "He never complained of anything"), and ironically said his family came regularly to pray with him for a safe recovery.

I'll have to return to what I was originally posting about at a later time.

The Crocoduck Defense

Sometimes the religious right is entertaining. I particularly love that O'Reilly's "proof" of God is that you can't prove he doesn't exist.

Well, you can't disprove the existence of aliens, the invisible miniature giraffe in my closet, or The Flying Spaghetti Monster either. I have faith that they exist, although I can't see them.



Seriously, if the "Crocoduck" theory is all Cameron's got, then I feel sorry for those who follow his rhetoric.

Bad Luck Run Amuck...Sucks.

Once again, kindly ignore the spacing issues. Blogger hates me, and loves to @$&% up my spacing. I spent 20 minutes trying, but I can't fix it.

I awoke this morning feeling extremely fatigued, which is unusual for me being the person often quoted as believing sleep is "overrated and a waste of time". However, after sleeping 8 hours (2 more than my norm) I fell asleep everytime Joy tried waking me before she left for work. Even after being up for 2 hours, I still couldn't shake the exhaustion. I've been feeling like this for about a week now...I normally can't sleep for long, but now I'm finding every excuse to go back to sleep. I decided that I was NOT doing that today.

However, hours later as I write this I'm realizing that the world was trying to save me from a horrible fate.

First of all, the fatigue alone all but killed my run for the day, which was scheduled for 4 miles. Being tired, I thought my iPod could save me during said run. iPod was dead. So I charged it for awhile, which forced me to plan on a 3 miler instead. All geared and stretched up, I ran for a half mile before developing a chest pain and shortness of breath. This wasn't happening today. I went home and did 30 more minutes on the treadmill, salvaging what I could of my dignity. It was now 2:30.

Leaving the shower at 2:45 left me 15 minutes to get dressed, eat something, and find a dinner for tonight. Left over stir fry? And some stale rice? Sweet! Dinner is set. Now to eat something. I'm (to quote Sarah) "hungry like a hostage".

I have these veggie-burger-like patties in the freezer, which are sort of like Gardenburgers, but they have whole pieces of broccoli and edamame in them...and they are much more moist. Since it's frozen, you have to microwave it for about 2 minutes. To speed things up, I used the microwave cover-thingy. As I take it out, I carefully grasp the sides of the plate with my fingertips, trying desperately not to burn myself during the 10-foot trip to the counter.

To no avail.

My finger touched a hotspot, which made me slip, and the plate juggles in my hands a bit before crashing to the floor. Since I was actually trying to catch the plate in a fumbled clapping motion, the patty slides off the plate, slaps right into the palm of my left hand and firmly sticks there. It wasn't until I started scraping it off my hand in the sink that I realized how much it hurt.

The next 20 minutes involved me yelling, calling Joy, screaming in agony, yelling for Megan to help me find the burn gel, ransacking the house for ace wraps and burn gel, screaming "Where the hell is that %#*@ burn gel?!", wondering if Vasoline would work instead, or maybe cocoa butter, "Where's that damn gel?!", and finally cracking open the survival kit I won in a drawing at the post office. Ahh...burn gel.

10 minutes and some whining later, I now look like The Mummy.

I then go work, starving, telling 100 people the same story about my hand, then begging at 5:30 to go get a bagel. Which I try to take the first bite of, and it pops out of my fingers, almost (but not quite) hitting the floor.

I then go back to my desk, attempt to clean up some old pencil smudges on my desk with that Purell stuff. It squirts out in all directions, splattering onto my keyboard, shoes and my pants...perfectly missing the desk.

Despite all of this, we must look to the bright side of this afternoon.

...I never went back to sleep.